Yea, u get to hear shit like dat when u go for booze tastings. Always blows me away. Haha!

Either i have a retarded tongue, or i’m really bad at description, coz most of d time, i dont get what the experts say they’re gettin.

They will sniff and sip a wine and describe all these lovely things they’re experiencing. Trippin out n shit. Makes me jealous actually.

I on d other hand will down it and say to myself, “Daaam, dis shit tastes like wine alrite!” Still, i enjoy attending tastings, especially wines, coz i goddam luv drinking wine. Lots of character and stories in wines. And wine gets me high in a hurry.

It’s also the only acceptable accompaniment to Italian food. NOT iced-lemon tea.

Did a judging of 28 wines once, which was awesome.

Blind tasting in session

Some tasting notes i have for a wine says “It exhibits extraordinary purity, and beautiful sweet blackberry and cassis notes along with hints of graphite, camphor, and a subtle, but intense meaty character. It’s already revealing a wide array of aromas including blackberry tart, cedar, violets, truffles, liquorice.”

Huh what? U wanna run dat by me again?

When they start putting camphor in, dats too much. I mean, i aint got goddam cockroaches in my stomach to have to fuckin drink camphor.

“Blackberry tart”? Now there’s a tart in there too! Wow, can i meet her?

Should shove a bottle of tuak down one of their throats and say “U detect the tart now bitch??”

What are these guys, fuckin botanists?

But it is pretty impressive, actually.

An orchard

i can detect elements like fruit, vanilla, tannins, mellowness/boldness, spice, dryness, smoothness, oak and the length. But I start to get lost / high, when things i’ve never had before get mentioned, like gooseberries (is dat goose shit?), and honeyed junipers.

Next time, i’ll try harder. Need to be more focused and sensitive. Close my eyes and do it right. And spew lines like “Hmmm… Yes, yess. Veeery interesting. Yesss. I too detect a gallant presence of vanilla, tempered by a rather teasing whiff of lightly-sauteed night-picked mushrooms, bold pillars of spring flowers, with a seductive nibble of freshly-ground, summer-sunned horse shit. Yes, yess.”

To each his own i guess. What would be good is a wine education session based on smells (and tastes) Malaysians are more familiar with, like lychee, satay, Roti Boy and exhaust fumes. Otherwise how do we relate?

Well, if u ask me, booze is not meant to be over-analyzed. It’s meant to be appreciated and enjoyed. Of course to appreciate, u need to be informed and educated. If u wanna over-analyze, go for a food review or get a PhD.

Tequila-tastings, i have NO problems fitting in. Aint exactly refined, high-society events

There’s this great article at Playboy.com about wine snobs and how to get into their game, called Real Wine, Fake Experts. There’s dis dude who writes for Playboy, Dan Dunn aka the Imbiber. Funny guy. Quote: “I routinely encounter pompous schmucks who believe they possess God’s own palate, and that they deserve the adulation of everyone around them for swirling some fermented grape juice around in their mouths and pronouncing it “troubling, yet brilliant.”.

And tip No 7 .
7. DON’T SLURP. DON’T SPIT. DON’T USE THE PHRASE “NICE LEGS”
It’s a wine tasting, not a construction site.