Senget judges?

I guess even the experts cant agree when it comes to the complicated drink of wine (mostly man-made complications). I wrote recently about my very intoxicating experience at a blind-tasting session. Thing is, u arent supposed to get intoxicated at a tasting.

A researcher has found that wine judges cant really tell what they’re tasting. There’re inconsistencies in their judging, although they’re sober. There’s a short article on this on Drinks International.

Boozing and paperwork should never mix

It's confirmed - paperwork & booze cant mix

Quote: “Robert Hodgson created a stir earlier this year when he claimed that individual judges in the California State Fair Wine Competition often rated the same wine differently.” (Blind-tastings.)

I think when they say shite like “exhibits extraordinary purity, and beautiful sweet blackberry and cassis notes along with hints of graphite, camphor, and a subtle, but intense meaty character”, then they’re probably talking cock. They might as well swallow d goddam wine rather than spit during tastings. Fuckin wastage. They are people starving around d world man.

At least then they’ll get drunk. And instead of rapping about aromas of red ink and goddam goat leather, they’d say, “O yeaaaaaaaa, i liiiike this one. Hit me again! *Buuurp!* It’s a ffff-fff-fuckinggggg good wine!”

Easy enough to understand.

The manner in which the judge says “fucking” determines the level of the wine’s quality.

Well, I guess u just need to sound cool (superb tips here), and u can pass off as a pro!


Hints of Dutch lavender, with a roasted lemongrass finish…

Yea, u get to hear shit like dat when u go for booze tastings. Always blows me away. Haha!

Either i have a retarded tongue, or i’m really bad at description, coz most of d time, i dont get what the experts say they’re gettin.

They will sniff and sip a wine and describe all these lovely things they’re experiencing. Trippin out n shit. Makes me jealous actually.

I on d other hand will down it and say to myself, “Daaam, dis shit tastes like wine alrite!” Still, i enjoy attending tastings, especially wines, coz i goddam luv drinking wine. Lots of character and stories in wines. And wine gets me high in a hurry.

It’s also the only acceptable accompaniment to Italian food. NOT iced-lemon tea.

Did a judging of 28 wines once, which was awesome.

Blind tasting in session

Blind tasting in session

Some tasting notes i have for a wine says “It exhibits extraordinary purity, and beautiful sweet blackberry and cassis notes along with hints of graphite, camphor, and a subtle, but intense meaty character. It’s already revealing a wide array of aromas including blackberry tart, cedar, violets, truffles, liquorice.”

Huh what? U wanna run dat by me again?

When they start putting camphor in, dats too much. I mean, i aint got goddam cockroaches in my stomach to have to fuckin drink camphor.

“Blackberry tart”? Now there’s a tart in there too! Wow, can i meet her?

Should shove a bottle of tuak down one of their throats and say “U detect the tart now bitch??”

What are these guys, fuckin botanists?

But it is pretty impressive, actually.

An orchard

An orchard

i can detect elements like fruit, vanilla, tannins, mellowness/boldness, spice, dryness, smoothness, oak and the length. But I start to get lost / high, when things i’ve never had before get mentioned, like gooseberries (is dat goose shit?), and honeyed junipers.

Next time, i’ll try harder. Need to be more focused and sensitive. Close my eyes and do it right. And spew lines like “Hmmm… Yes, yess. Veeery interesting. Yesss. I too detect a gallant presence of vanilla, tempered by a rather teasing whiff of lightly-sauteed night-picked mushrooms, bold pillars of spring flowers, with a seductive nibble of freshly-ground, summer-sunned horse shit. Yes, yess.”

To each his own i guess. What would be good is a wine education session based on smells (and tastes) Malaysians are more familiar with, like lychee, satay, Roti Boy and exhaust fumes. Otherwise how do we relate?

Well, if u ask me, booze is not meant to be over-analyzed. It’s meant to be appreciated and enjoyed. Of course to appreciate, u need to be informed and educated. If u wanna over-analyze, go for a food review or get a PhD.

Tequila-tastings i have no problems with. Aint really refined, high-society events

Tequila-tastings, i have NO problems fitting in. Aint exactly refined, high-society events

There’s this great article at about wine snobs and how to get into their game, called Real Wine, Fake Experts. There’s dis dude who writes for Playboy, Dan Dunn aka the Imbiber. Funny guy. Quote: “I routinely encounter pompous schmucks who believe they possess God’s own palate, and that they deserve the adulation of everyone around them for swirling some fermented grape juice around in their mouths and pronouncing it “troubling, yet brilliant.”.

And tip No 7 .
It’s a wine tasting, not a construction site.

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