Spirits of the Harvest!

It’s Oooooohaa time, coz there’s an event this Saturday organized by Sarawakians in KL. It’s a tuak appreciation one. How damn cool.

I absolutely love drinking with Sarawakians. They know how to party. And are the best hosts I’ve ever met anywhere in the world.

I also spent four years of my pre-drinking life in Kuching.

Ngajat baby, ngajat!

I’m a judge in the Tuak of The Year competition. Haha! I have no idea how many entries there are, maybe dozens. So long as its not mixed with langkau like my 2009 music festival vacation in Sarawak, i should be fine.

A dude i met upriver

But then i’ve been well-trained many times in the deep depths of Borneo, esp during my travel-writing years. Had to ngirop servings of tuak as i walk through longhouses, one shot at each family’s door. Cool thing is they all taste different.

Tuak is a really nice drink by any standards. Personally i prefer the sweet variety, as well as ginger tuak, and of course, the aged ones. Goes down smooth n easy. The extra dry ones? A lil hard to drink.

Anyway, no need to go to Sarawak to try the various blends and vintages, coz it’s come here!

Kicks-off at 6.30pm at a joint called Seduction on P Ramlee, KL, behind the dodgy Beach Club. Go on time if u wanna have samples. No entry fee, unless you wanna enter the tuak of the year shit. Submissions are still possible until the event, right until 7pm on Saturday.

Gosh. I’m screwed.

There’s a blowpipe challenge in da mix. I shd try dat coz i got skills. Maybe less skills when sengeted.

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Langkaued-up with them Ibans

Phew. Five days in Sarawak went by in a flash.

Must be the mental haze caused by all dat langkau, the local Sarawak liquor-moonshine made from rice. Similar to lao lao from Laos.

If it looks hardcore, it is

Like some hard-hittin chicano party. If it seems hardcore, it was

Started the trip in style – straight from Kuching airport to this local hotel, Telang Usan, the usual pit-stop for a heavy tuak + laksa lunch. Got wasted then headed to Damai, a seaside area where the resorts and Rainforest World Music Festival venue (SCV – Sarawak Cultural Village) are.

Rice. Nice

Rice. Nice

As we had rooms in SCV, a couple of their staff came out to greet us. As soon as i put my backpack on d road, there was a sound – a clunk of tuak bottles. The guys, Leo and Bujang, heard it. I thought they would give us the official line – “No outside drinks allowed”.

Leo says “That’s a nice sound!” I reply “Yea, tuak!” He says “We have langkau! Come over to the Iban Longhouse tonite.” Surprised and glad, I say “OK.” The village has various showhouses of the major tribes in Sarawak.

Our pad was in the Melanau Tall House – a huge house on 49 high pillars.

High in our high house

High in our high house

Around midnight, a bunch of us head to the Iban Longhouse. I’ve had much drinking experience with d locals – in urban scenes as well as deep upriver in d interior longhouses, so i knew wat to expect – hardcore shit. Expect no mercy, show no mercy! But some of d boys were nervous. Haha!

When we go in, there’re a bunch of locals doin langkau, with Leo n Bujang. We get down to business. A little cup was passed around. It was sum cocktail – langkau plus some Tsingtao beer. Watever. Once u sit your ass on the ruai, you don’t get fussy or picky. U down wat u get.

“Express style,” Leo says. Which means the cup keeps going around. A shot is poured, u shout ooooohaaa!, down it, and pass it back to the tekong aka sadong – which is d guy who does d pouring, which was Bujang. He keeps pouring n passing. Later he adds tuak to d mix! Unheard of man, unheard of.

Leo, the Maori-lookin Iban

Leo, the Maori-lookin Iban

Then some other moonshine shows up – Glenford whisky. Made in Sibu. 15 bucks a bottle – shockingly smooth. Then Bujang mixes d whisky n the langkau. Neat.

Gosh, what a session. Fuckin merciless. Get high or die tryin.

Always a lot of thirsty people in Sarawak. I like.

We staggered home.

D next day was Friday, d start of d three-day fest. D music on Friday night, like last year, was crap. I didnt bother to attend d night show coz d tunes would have put me to sleep, so partied in d room.

Our little party room aka d Penthouse aka d Crack Den aka the Whore House

Ben Bitch in our little party room aka d Penthouse aka d Crack Den aka the Whore House

From others’ feedback, music was crap. Lullabies.

Friday nite n Saturday nite we end up with d Iban boys again after d gig, with a twist – there was a snack with d langkau – live, fatass sago worms. Joleen had gone to her kampung in Bau n got some. Fuckdatshit. I wasnt planning on havin any. D others went for it. “Crunchy n juicy” it seems. I’ll stick to crunchy peanuts n juicy pork ribs with my booze.

Fat fucks.

Fat fucks tryin hard to make a getaway

D boys introduced us to a new kid called Royal. At 15 bucks a bottle, a good deal. Another Sibu product. Sarawak’s sure got a thrivin liquor industry! The label says brandy-flavoured liquor. Haha! At least it was smooth, though neat. Some dude called Alfred seems to vouch for its quality. Whodafuck Alfred?

If u say so Al

If u say so Al

Which one's water, which one's langkau?? Only one way to find out. Actually two - taste it or smell it

Which one’s water, which one’s langkau?? Only one way to find out. Actually 2 – taste it, or smell it. In dis case, langkau at rear

D band worthy of being labelled as world music n deserved to be there was Akasha (Malaysia). Brickfields Blues was super. And of course the Irish Joget. Awesome mix of traditional and modern styles! (Listen here). But some idiot put them on as d first act, when their rockin, creative tunes should have been d closing act. Seems like Malaysian bands never get to be the closing act.

The music flow at the festival was pretty bad. An upbeat band followed by dinner / elevator music (Red Chamber, China). Saturday night i went back to d room midway. Haha. Coz d music was affecting my high. Potong nevermind, but fuckin turun straight.

D fest should be renamed d world jazz fest or chillout tunes fest. Coz dat sums it up. Musically it has become unexciting and very ordinary since ’07. The crazy bands are gone, so are the tribal tunes. The crowd seemed less this year.

Dont matter, coz i had a fuckin blast anyway. Ben Bitch said sumtin weird one of those nites  – “I’m drunk like no drunk before!”

Headed straight to Sid’s Pub for drinks after arrival at LCCT. Had to end it right. Need closure.

Thank God for d crew i was with n d boys who hosted n entertained us there. OOOOHAAAA mafuckers!

Chillin..

Chillin..

Our vill

Our vill

Yea, leave those beers n go kid

Yea, deliver our breakfast n scram, u man-faced kid

Ben Bitch lettin loose in an outhouse

Ben Bitch lettin loose in an outhouse, with Bunkface queuing-up

A kliering (burial pole)

A kliering (very large burial pole)

The finale, Sunday nite

The finale, Sunday nite

Quality

Quality. Alfred quality

Ben Bitch doin some nightwater rafting

Ben Bitch doin some nightwater rafting

Da beach, Damai

Da beach, Damai

Trendy head-hunting swords. Used.

Trendy head-hunters’ swords. Used.

After-touchdown-party

After-touchdown-party, KL

My thirst was quenched!

My thirst was quenched!

Brain damage rating: 9/10

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The Sarawak gig

Once a year, a three-day party kicks in Damai, the Rainforest World Music Fest. Have attended it about 9 times i think. The early ones were the best – wild bands, great tunes. And lotsa booze.

Tuuuaaaaaak! Time to "oooooohaa!" Dats how they say cheers over there!

Tuuuaaaaaak! Our mandatory brunch + laksa in Kuching on arrival every year straight from airport. Time to "oooooohaa!" Dats how they say cheers over there!

It got strict at around 2006 onwards. Previously you could cart in cooler boxes filled with crates of beer and party on the lawns. “No outside food and drink allowed” it says now unfortunately. Protecting some cut-throat vendors inside. Problem is they usually sell only beer in there.

There were some crazy times. Loco. We’d order like 70 bottles of tuak from Kuching for the fest. And of course there’s the Camelbak for liquor n cocktails. Never a thirsty moment for sure.

Alcos

Alcos

This year, staying inside the venue in one of the show longhouses. Should be a trip.  Will be over there by the time this post is published, gettin high.

Usually stay at Permai Rainforest Resort every year, but d greedy pricks raised the rates more than 200% this year! So screw ’em.

Anyway, another drunken festival comin up!

Chillin at d beach

Chillin at d beach

Reza jammin

Reza jammin

We found a lil waterfall in d venue, so Khang tarzaned around

We found a lil waterfall in d venue, so Khang tarzaned around

I being thrown into d sea in d middle of d nite

I being thrown into d sea in d middle of d nite

Posers

Posers

A bhangra session breakin out

A bhangra session breakin out

Later Sunny!

Later Sunny!

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DIY tuak!

I have had an unending supply of great tuak, thanks to my friend Mary Jane – not her real name la. To protect her identity. She’s afraid her front door will be kicked in by a SWAT Team or hordes of tuak junkies.

She’s been with me at Sarawak many times for the world music fest. We normally get our supply from this hotel in Kuching that’s got da best shit (and d best laksa). Me n my crew would order like 70-80 bottles for d festival n drink kao-kao. Sometimes tapau some back to KL – still got some 07’s left.

Mmmm, golden rice juice. Sarawak laksa + tuak lunch

Mmmm, golden rice juice. Sarawak laksa + tuak lunch, Kuching. Perfection.

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So she liked it so much, she decided to learn makin it here in PJ . Her 50% Sarawakian genes finally kicked-in.

The first batch was ready last year. It turned out good. Some of the following batches were as good or better than d Kuching one! The colour is perfect – gold. Not too murky like d longhouse ones, which are forced down your throat when u go upriver in Sarawak. Man i got some tales about that!

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Some dude I met upriver. Nice hornbill feathers, hope d bird tasted good ol man

Some dude I met upriver. Nice hornbill feathers, hope d bird tasted good with tuak, ol man

Anyway, Mary Jane was kind enough to show me the tuak-brewing process. We”ll share it with yall – anybody can do it. Don’t ask me about d legality. Don’t know & don’t care. D way I see it, we’ve paid way too much booze taxes in this country already. According to The Star, Malaysians pay the second highest tax in d whole goddam planet for beer! Probably d same with other booze.

Like we earn a lot.

If u buy a can of beer for five bucks, about four bucks is tax. Stupid dam government, blowing our hard-earned money! Fuck em.

Anyway, ingredients are easily available. Maybe tedious but not difficult. I have yet to do it coz she’s just so nice to me – keeps me fed and supplied. Thanks Mary Jane! Ur da shit.

Anyway, if u start makin d product now, it will be ready in 3 months. No it’s not instant. Sorry.

Here’s d rundown on how to make tuak aka rice wine.

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Mary Jane has a tuak logbook. With dates & measurements

Mary Jane has a tuak logbook. With dates & measurements. Respect

MJ fixin me a shot to test d latest stuff

MJ fixin me a shot to test d latest merchandise

Wat u need: (measurements based on 1kg of rice, but u can go for 5kg for more product. Multiply other ingredients by five too)

1. Uncooked rice (glutinous rice – can get everywhere, like Tesco) – 1kg

2. Fine sugar – 1kg

3. Yeast – 1.5 pieces – get it from a Chinese medicine shop. Mary Jane gets it from Centerpoint, PJ. It’s “sweet yeast for Chinese wine”. Aka ‘chao peng’.

4. A pot

5. A hose pump or a cup

and that’s it

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Dates of each batch decorate the pot's cover

Dates of each batch decorate the pot's cover

p1010968

Moonshiners these days have d latest bottling technology

Process:

1. Cook d rice (if u don’t know how to dat, quit now)

2. Pound yeast into powder, add yeast to rice (cooled down), stir it up in a pot. Always cover the pot (not air-tight, but make sure no dirt or insects get in)

3. Wait 2 weeks (that’s tough)

A layer of liquid will appear above d mix.

4. Boil sugar in water (make syrup), add into pot once cool. Stir it up. Wait 6 weeks (hang in there)

5. Sieve d pot’s contents thru a strainer. Dump the strained stuff, pour d brew back into d pot. Wait a week

6. Pump out the clear liquid which will float above the murky part with a hose / pump. Or u could scoop out with a cup, but that might stir up the murky shit

7. Sieve again. Liquid should be clear – it’s called tuak! Start bottling d stuff

8. Time to drink!

 

Rice - more handy than i thought

Rice - more handy than i thought

It’s legit. Have had many of Mary Jane’s bottles and am still alive. Most important part of d process is hygiene. Sterilize everything with soap (not d ingredients).

Actually she did say sumtin about – u gotta b naked when u do it. Hmmm… dunno la, she hasn’t given me any live demo. Yet.

U can probably brew five bottles per kg of rice. BTW, it’s supposed to taste either sourish-sweet or sweetish-sour. If u have no idea, ask someone who has tasted tuak before to sample it. Like me.

Get busy! Believe me, it’s worth it! Good tuak is awesome stuff, and the high is a real upper.

As they say in Sarawak when u cheers, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Brain damage rating: 7.5/10

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Tuak on Foodista

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