Island of non-drinkers?

That was one of my opinions of Sri Lanka. Was there for a six-day media trip with AirAsia. Fortunately Joleen and Gareth were also invited.

Though they produce their own brew, booze is not a highlight if u travel there. Beer is not easily available, neither are toddy and arrack. A huge difference to d last country i went to, Laos.

Sri Lanka is known for its tea plantations (we oso got), textiles and gem stones (*yawn*).

Arrack is bascially coconut brandy. Toddy (coconut beer/wine) is distilled to produce arrack. Pure n natural.

Toddy is rested in barrels, then distilled. The arrack is then aged in wooden barrels for a few years to mellow it out.

Sum dude trying to sell unmade arrack. Idiot

Sum dude tryin to sell me unmade arrack. Idiot

Of course i was resourceful enough to nail a good bottle of arrack pretty quick. The top grade shit there is brewed by DCSL, and the best vintage is “VSOA'” (Very Special Old Arrack). A bottle cost 760 rupees, which is only about 20-plus bucks. Haha!

Sortin out my supply. Seems dodgy but dats where u get booze over there

Sortin out my supply. Seems dodgy. Dats where u get booze over there

Had it neat to start. So surprised at how smooth it was. One of the smoothest liquors ever. Taste a lil like rum, easy on the palate, and the finish is almost non-existent. No “aaaarhhh” or “fuck!” or major burning in d mouth or chest. Too easy. VSOA weighs-in at 36.6%.

Had “Old Arrack” too, also by DCSL (33.5%). Tastes a lil harsher.

Sweet relief

Sweet relief

Whacked their local beers – Lion and Three Coins. Preferred 3 coins – found it light-tasting and smooth, similar to Beer Lao. A large bottle of beer costs 4-bucks plus. ABV is 4.8%.

The itinerary other than my sporadic drinking opportunities involved firstly visiting an elephant sanctuary. Didnt expect to see so many! If u ignore d fences, d chains that some of d animals wear, d handlers who beat them, and d hundreds of other fuckers there, u’d think ur on safari! Haha

Wild

Wild

Well not really

Well not really

I'd get outta d way

I'd get outta d way

There was also a shop across d road selling shit made from elephant shit. Jeez.

Yea no shit

Yea no shit

Collect, boil, strain, make paper, sell. Dam good idea, coz these fat bastards probably crap 100 kilos a day. And their crap dont smell.

My fave part was d rafting we did upcountry. Pretty mellow stuff tho. Nutin more than Grade 3 rapids.

D ride to the put-in

Our ride to the put-in

Some local stuff after d rafting - spicy food n Three Coins

Local meal after d rafting - spicy food n Three Coins

The itinerary by Sri Lanka Tourism was bad. Didnt hit the mountains or nice beaches, nor the Malay kampung. I just realize i did not even learn a single word of d local language! Haha. Dats a first! Meaning either we never really given opprotunities to mix with the locals, or i wasnt interested in dat place.

The country is full of army and cops all over d place due to the terrorism issue with the LTTE (Tigers). They all carry AKs. Coz of terrorists n suicide bombers. And photography is very restricted in some city areas. You get told-off or chased-off by d soldiers.

On d final nite decided to walk around d city by d sea. Soldiers came up to us and told us to move along. Managed to grab one of ’em for a photo, and finally made them smile. (Quietly grabbed his gun too, but the camera didnt catch dat. Haha)

Tuk-tuk driver who believes in da cause

Tuk-tuk driver who believes in da cause

Got drunk, stole a tuk-tuk and got arrested

Got drunk, stole a tuk-tuk and got arrested

View of Colombo n beach from Hilton

View of Colombo n Indian Ocean from Hilton

Some duty-free purchase (Colombo airport). Pretty good for about 30 bucks!

Some duty-free purchase (Colombo airport). Pretty good for about 30 bucks!

Arrack session goin on

Arrack session goin on

Buddhist pilgrims arrive for prayer

Buddhist pilgrims arrive for prayer

Maybe they so obsessed with their tea they forget to booze

Maybe they so obsessed with their great tea they forget to booze

Dis shit is like stir-fried roti-canai-kueh-teow

Dis shit is like stir-fried roti-canai-kueh-teow. Lots of noisy chopping goes on

Very common this UFO thing

Very common this UFO thing

Feasting w Joleen

Feasting w Joleen

Dont shoot me now.

"Dont shoot me now. I come in peace." Or should i say, i come pissed

All in all, had fun, coz i alwayz do!

.

Brain damage rating: 7/10

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Toddy ah?? Brickfields laa

No real local drinker hasnt tried at least one of Malaysia’s own local brews – toddy, tuak or langkau. If u’ve had beers from Mehico, schnapps from Austria, Kahlua from goddam Jamaica, and Malibu from fuckin Barbados, it’s time to stop being a poser and have some local brew! Warz wrong witchu man?? Show yer pride!

Toddy aka palm beer is a common drink in most tropical countries around the world. From Mexico to the Pacific Islands. Also known as mimbo (Cameroon), bahar / tuba (Sabah & Philippines), todi (W. Malaysia) and emu among Nigerian tribes. Not to be confused with samsu – cheap shit dat makes u blind.

All that hard work, and u pay 3 bucks

All that hard work, and u pay peanuts

It’s a sweet, slightly fizzy drink, 100% natural. Very light, possibly lighter than beer in terms of alcohol content, so drinking several mugs is not an issue. Best part is, it’s so cheap, its ridiculous. Also a source of B-complex vitamins. It’s said to flush your system clean, watever dat means.

You can distill toddy and produce more explosive liquor like arrack.

If u ever tried air nira, it’s d same shit. Cept nira is harvested and drunk before fermentation can begin.

What a waste. Throw some yeast into your next nira pack.

It aint fermented coconut water, it’s palm sap. Most palms – whether date palms, betel palms, oil palms or coconut palms – are usable. In Malaysia, we use coconut palms. The flower stem of the palm tree is cut – sap flows out into a jar, where it ferments naturally after awhile due to some yeast dudes still hangin in the used jar. Thus, it’s best had earlier in the day, or else it turns to vinegar (eventually after several days or weeks), tho sometimes tappers also cut again in the evening for a fresh batch.

Anyway, enough crap. You can get this local shine in Brickfields, KL, where there’s an old, low-profile toddy shack.

I just luv Brickfields. Da hood’s got character. A lot of shit goin on there. And the cool world music band Akasha is from there, the Temple of Fine Arts, 30 seconds away from d toddy shack.

Believe it or not, this joint is run by the Malaysian government! Haha! The only useful facility they ever run. Some colonial hangover – the Brits used to run them to keep the labour happy. There are two other government bars – Imbi (by Times Square) and Sentul.

Max sticks his head into a large bucket of toddy

Max sticks his head into a bucket of  toddy

But there many others (non-government) in Banting, Morib and Kapar. And served at some seafood restaurants in Teluk Gong and Northport, Klang. Tried ’em all.

Hit the Brickfields branch with Mad Max one Saturday morning. There were already quite a few alcos there.

Set-up is basic. Zinc roof, long tables, long wooden benches, toddy bartender secured behind reinforced iron grille. Not a spot to impress your date, lemme tell u that straight-up.

Go to bartender, ask for a bottle and pay 3 bucks. Dats right – 3 bucks. For a 1.5 litre bottle. Cheaper than coconut water. Must be government-controlled pricing. Haha. Or subsidy.

Thing is, they dont really supply cups.

Some large man known in these parts as Giant, comes up to me. Giant barks  “How u gonna drink??”

– “From the bottle.”

“Go outside, ask defella there to lend u cups. 10 cents each.”

– “Ha? OK!”

There’s dis micro-stall next door that sells bites and has large pint plastic cups for rent. Cibai ol man cons me n charges 20 cents a cup, and adds “U bring back ah!”

Like am gonna steal dat piece of shit. OK must bring own cups next time.

As good as it gets

As good as it gets

We pour half a cup each, and proceed to enjoy d first sip. Yeaaa, refreshing. It’s sweet and slight bubbly, with a tangy and distinct aroma. The finish is sweet-sour.

Breakfast of champs. They seem to serve pretty fresh stuff here.

Tryin to look cool with toddy

Tryin to look cool drinkin moonshine

Giant decides to join us, sayin he’s been drinkin dis shit for 30 years. He’s a cab driver, and had just finished the graveyard shift. We talk cock, read the papers, and i head back to d micro stall outside to get sum meat – ol man has shit like wild boar curry, lamb belly, steamed beans n sum chicken liver i think. I go for the boar.

He’s got a huge phonebook next to him. Tears off a page, puts a plastic sheet on it, and serves d meat on dat. Phonebooks – handy.

We continue to work on our bottle, then Giant buys us another. At 3 bucks, it’s cool to buy each other bottles!

We get a slight buzz, then tapau a bottle to take home. Stick it in d fridge coz its great chilled. It can keep a few days at least when kept cold.

Natural refreshment

Natural refreshment

Didnt shoot many pictures. This aint a place to be takin pictures like sum stupid blogger. Might get sumtin thrown at your face. Like a parang.

And i gone n deleted almost all of d pix from that session. Wat a bodoh fumble.

Some like to mix toddy with Guinness Foreign Extra Stout. Some with fuckin chilies and onions. Watever turns u on i guess.

Got a palm tree at home? Time for DIY toddy.

This toddy shack is unmarked, so keep your eyes skinned (map). Turn off left from Jln Tun Sambanthan into Sultan Abdul Samad, then right into Berhala. It’s behind Palm Court. ‘Palm’ – how appropriate. Haha.

If the scenario there sounds dingy, u can always tapau. A lot of that goes on.

Spot the bar

Spot the bar

Plan to hit the real deal plantation bars for real fresh toddy in Banting soon. Should be a trip!

Brain damage rating: 7/10

Pix 1 (Sri Lanka) by Srinivasa Krishna


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