Beer tasting @ Craft Brews

Beer. The world’s oldest and still most widely-consumed alcoholic beverage, usually made from malted barley, with hops added for flavour, and for bitterness, to counter the sweetness of d malt.

Its been around for ages – fuckers have been gettin drunk for at least 10,000 years! (And still no real hangover cure?? Other than this recent attempt. Dafuck man. Goddam slackers.)

There are two types of beers in the world – lagers and ales. Explain in a sec.

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Bitches lined-up

Last week tried out some American craft beers available at Craft Brews (7722-3000). Earlier in the month tried their draft beers.

These babes are from the Flying Dog Brewery, an award-winning one that began brewin d piss in Aspen in 1990.

It wasn’t a beer-pairing dinner; just beer. Four of ’em. (Hmm. Dunno why no bars / restaurants have hosted beer dinners.)

To kick off t’was Old Scratch (amber lager). Obviously the colour is amber as its a lager.

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Beer with ticks on d label. Appetizing

Wats da diff between a lager and an ale? To d layman, a lager is a pilsner like Tiger, Chang, Angkor, Bintang and all d beers brewed in this region. Its filtered, clear gold, crisp, and has a clean taste.

An ale is generally unfiltered, usually darker beer.

The difference in creation is lager uses bottom-fermenting yeast, ie yeast that gather at the bottom of the fermentation barrel. Ales use a top-fermenting species. Like cider. And wheat beers.

Ales are generally robust, more complex, bolder and stronger in taste and aroma, and normally darker. Very common in US, Europe, not really in Asia. Early beers were all ales. They usually have a higher hop content. Stouts fall under ales.

The strongest beer made so far is 32% – the Tactical Nuclear Penguin. Haha! Penguin also kena exploited.

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A pack of crazy dogs

Anyway the Ol Scratch (5.5%) is a malty beer, more on the sweet side, but mellow. The finish is light.

The Snake Dog (India pale ale) is a different story altogether. Its fosher a straight-up, big-dick ale. The aroma is of…. lychee. Seriously.

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Grace tryin to figure d beer with the highest alco content

The IPA is hoppy (meaning heavy in hops). Translation = bitter. Tasting-buddy Grace, who’s a freak, digs dis.

The finish is pretty strong & long. ABV is da highest among the four – 7.1%.

Hmmm. Now Grace’s choice makes sense.

Its got an IBU (some new shit i learned) of 60, which means its goddam bitter. All these bottles have an International Bitterness Unit number at d back, ranging from 12 to 60.

Next, the Doggie Style (classic pale ale).

Dis dude’s got character, a lil too much character for i n Grace. It’s gotta real bite. But a shorter finish than the Snake Dog IPA. ABV is 5.5%.

Checkout like real, taking notes n shit

Checkout like real, taking notes n shit

Its supposed to make u engage in doggie-style d same night. Didnt happen.

Even if it did, i aint no snitch.

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If dogs could fly....., I'd watch out for dog shit

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Final beer’s the In Heat (wheat hefeweizen – 4.7%). Its got the aroma of pisang goreng. No shit.

Dead easy to drink, the traditional German hefe is my fave. Simple unfiltered wheat beer.

Choices....

Choices....

My ranking – In Heat, Ol Scratch, Snake Dog, Doggie Style.

Grace – In Heat, Snake Dog, Ol Scratch, Doggie Style.

A hydrant beer-dispenser? Great spot for a dog to take a leak

A hydrant beer-dispenser? Great spot for a dog to take a leak

The beers are only served from bottles and cost $20.70.

Party continued as we hit Alexis with my buddy Rubin for long islands. Got pretty bent on d way there.

Rubin n Grace fight for sum wine i brewed

Rubin n Grace ungraciously fight for sum wine i brewed

Senget, altogether now...

Senget, altogether now...

Brain damage: 6.5/10

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Booze speak

Alcos dont really have a particular language of their own, unless they’re really gone n start mumbling in Martian. In which case, a Martian interpreter would be required.

So fuggedaboutit. Its a language u dont need to comprehend. Just nod when ur spoken to.

The way i see it, there are 4 levels of highness –

i) the initial one is the Tease – where u feel sumtin goin on. Some pussies would happily always stop at this stage (Recommended drink to get this feeling: beer / stout / cider / wine / easy cocktails like Screwdriver, Mojito)

ii) then there’s the High – ur feelin a good buzz, talkin louder, more sociable, smiling (Recommended drink: Wine, easy liquors like vodka, rum)

iii) the ur There – really intoxicated, all over the place, buying more booze that u dont really need, possibly doin a mutual-groping session, generally very happy (Recommended drink: any liquor, hard cocktails like Long Island)

At this point, its really 50-50 where its goin – ur walkin a fine line, on the edge – u would either maintain this high, or go over to the other side and get wasted, coz the high wants to just feed on itself. Could lead to the fourth stage of..

iv) Drunk – either mumbling or shouting (depending on the person), half-eyes, partial tongue & mouth paralysis, conversing with strangers / the toilet attendant, not remembering names, snogging, lookin for / organizing an after-party, asking the same damn questions / sayin d same things, dont remember how u got home, a possible toilet-bowl-hugger, and finding strange name cards in your pocket / numbers in your phone d next day. Could lead to drink-induced-amnesia. But dats another story. (Recommended drink: skyjuice).

Getting There - its half d fun

Getting There – its half d fun

In the world of drinking, there are some common alco terms – some are standard-issue, some i made up.

Anyway, here’s some basic terms to get u by.

Sotong (squid) = legless / rubber legs. When u legs feel like they’re giving way under u while ur standing / walking. U could also take one step forward and two steps back, making little progress. In such situations, sit dafuck down

Superb sotong demo here

Ketam (crab) = Not as bad as sotong. U walk like a crab, ie sideways (zig-zag), but at least in the general direction. Pretty common occurence

Drink responsibly = make sure u finish your fucking drink! Wastage is highly irresponsible

Aaarh! Bantai ah!! = The term for “cheers!” in Malaysia if there was one. Can be shortened to “Bantaiii!”

Aa, jemput minum… = a more polite version of the above

Silakan...

Silakan…

Ride the train = Drink Night Train and get fucked-up

Brown-out = “Less intense than the experience of “blacking out” when drunk and not remembering portions (or all) of your night, “browning out” occurs when you don’t remember something until someone brings it up. It’s not a complete blackout, but partial, because you remember once someone refreshes you.” (quoted from Urban Dictionary)

Skull / down / yamseng / cuci = To finish your drink off. Other available terms – polish, clear, mop-up

Potong (cut) = when your getting-high is interrupted by something

Turun (descend) = When your high actually comes down due to something, usually something unpleasant. A sobering experience

Lightweight / fairy / pussy = someone who cant drink

Alco = someone who knows how to

High = intoxicated, buzzed, lift-off, tickled, tipsy

And of course, the most number of terms is to describe..

Drunk = smashed, wasted, balls-up, senget, totalled, woman/man-down, OD, bent, gone, terbabas, blazed, fucked-up, whacked, bowl-hugger, out, tit-floored, hammered, sloshed, trashed, shit-faced, sideways, wrecked, pissed, terbalik

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Them basics

Its kinda surprising that many drinkers dont know some basic drink measures & bar terms. Lemme see if i can assist.

A shot of liquor in Malaysia is generally 30ml (one ounce, aka a pony), but in many countries including US, its 45ml (1.5 oz). (UK is only 25ml. Haha! Kesian)

So a 750ml bottle of liquor (aka a fifth) has 25 shots.

A regular mug / can of beer in Malaysia is 330ml, while a pint (UK pint) is 20 ounces, ie, 568ml, which is more than half a litre. (One US pint = 16 oz = 473ml).

Dats called a megapint (the mug that is)

Dats called a mega-pint (the mug that is)

Hoegaarden (draft) is served at 500ml, which is in between US & UK measure of one pint. The ‘half pint’ Guinness comes in 12 oz glasses, which is not a “perfect pint” as Guinness claims. It’s 350ml.

According to established, award-winning bartender Mark ‘Maverick’ Robert, many bartenders here use a jigger, the cone-shaped measuring cup to pour a shot of liquor. “But that’s only 25ml, so ur being short-changed quite a bit. Those are illegal as measuring apparatus,” says the ex-bartender, who know works with Sid’s Pubs.

If customers cant tell what one shot should look / taste like, thats too bad.

Gettin jiggy with da jigger

Gettin jiggy with da jigger

The licensed ones are the optic pourers, the transparent ones that are latched onto upturned bottles, where the glass is pressed against it &  d 30ml shot is dispensed.

“Most bartenders dont use any equipment – they just count it down – three seconds for a shot.” This is known as free-pour.

A glass of wine should be 120ml – 150ml. A bottle of wine serves 5-6 glasses. White wine should be served cold; red wine – room temperature (which is defined as 18C) and not cold, otherwise it would taste acidic. (For serious wine drinking, red wine glasses should be filled to 1/3 capacity; white wine glasses to ½ full; and sparkling wine glasses to ¾ full.). Of course bubbly should be served as cold as possible, as with beers & stouts.

Some other basic terms:

Alcohol – a lifestyle beverage containing ethanol, dat can make u do stupid shit

A dash – 1/3 teaspoon

Neat / straight – a shot of liquor with no mixer, ice or water

On the rocks – the above, plus ice

Punch – a mix of juices & alcohol, served cold. Also what u end up with if u talk too much shit in a bar

House-brand / house-pour / well liquor – the brand of liquor or wine that a bar serves as default brand

Call drink – to request a particular brand of booze, as opposed to the house-pour

A barrel – a 30-liter keg of beer, equal to 90 mugs of beer

Chaser – a drink that’s taken immediately after another, normally to help wash it down. Or d chick / dude dats drunk, & on your tail all nite

Grenadine – a popular sweetish flavoring for drinks. It is made from pomegranates or red currants

Aperitif – a French term referring to a light alcoholic drink taken before a meal to stimulate appetite. Sometimes this pre-meal drinking can end up being the appetizer, main course & dessert

Magnum – large bottle of booze, twice the normal size. I like

Gin – some crap

Lok-lok– God-sent pushers of bites, always waiting loyally for u to pig out after ur drunk

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DIY apple cider / alcohol

OK here it is finally, how to make sidra / cider after some teasing in a recent post about yeast, and one before that. Had to be sure how to do it. So now you can make your own apple booze at home, or any other fruit!

Makes u realize what cheap shit alcohol actually is. Low cost to produce. But at least its 100% natural ingredients.

All-natural sidra

Drink your fruits!

Dead easy, even if ur retarded. Easier & quicker than tuak too.

This recipe is based on 12 liters of juice.

1. Get the juice – recommended brand – Berri – which comes in 2.4 liter bottles. So get 5 bottles.

2. Stir in 1kg (one pack) of fine white sugar to some warm apple juice until its dissolved.

3. Pour this and the rest of d juice into a container (an air-tight one, that is, the fermenter).

4. Add in a tablespoon of pounded yeast n stir. Seal the container but create an air-lock.

5. Wait a couple of weeks.

6. Have a party. (& invite me)

Yeast can be bought at Chinese medicine stores. I get mine from Centerpoint, PJ. 6o cents a pop, which is equal to 2 tablespoons. It’s “sweet yeast for Chinese wine”. Aka chao peng.

Yeasts are our friends

Yeasts are our friends

The only part that requires a brain is the airlock. If u can buy one, good. Otherwise a crude one that works is a tube running from a created air-tight gap in the top of the air-tight container (the fermenter) into a bottle of water. Co2 produced by the yeast can exit the fermenter into the water via d tube, but O2 and outside air cant go back in. Easy.

Coz if too much air goes in, u could end up with vinegar.

The airlock of the future

The 'airlock' of the future

After two weeks, sample d shit everyday until it tastes good, and u can feel some alcohol. My last one was bottled at 18 days & tasted dam good.

My fermenter - phat. With airlock (top) & tap (right)

My fermenter - phat. With airlock (top) & tap (right)

For the fermenter, i used a beer fermenter – a plastic barrel that holds about 25 liters. It comes with an airlock & tap. The other option is a polycarbonate water container, available at Tesco for about 40 bucks, and its perfect. Comes with an airtight cap. Capacity 15 liters.

Great as a fermenter

Great as a fermenter

For that, you’ll need 6 bottles.

Raw booze

Raw booze. About 10 bucks for 2.4 liters

Just punch a tight-fitting hole in the rubber cap for the outlet tube / airlock. Seal any gap around the hole with some shit, like Blu Tack or silicone. It comes with a tap, so u can easily sample d shit.

Plan B

A quicker, low-quantity method is using a bottle instead of a barrel. All u need is..

A funnel & balloons

A funnel & balloons

Pour any fruit juice that is preservative-free into a bottle – glass / plastic. Add like 8-10 spoons of sugar via the funnel & mix well. Add a quarter teaspoon of yeast & mix. Seal the bottle mouth with a balloon over it, and you’re practically done. Takes five minutes.

After a few days, the balloon will inflate. Good. It means the fuckin yeasts are doin their job. Use a needle to stab a hole – as tiny as possible. CO2 will escape slowly from d bottle, but no O2 will go in.

About 2 weeks later, u got booze. Filter the booze thru a strainer to strain out the yeast sediments & foam, then drink!

Trillions of yeasts workin their butts off, creating a whole lotta CO2

Trillions of yeasts workin their butts off, creating a whole lotta CO2 that races to the top (pix taken after 5 days)

I guess since bottles dont have taps, u cant really test. Its ok to remove the balloon occasionally to taste-test d brew, but do it too often, u might end up with fucking vinegar.

Collection of juices being fermented - mango, orange, mixed fruits

Collection of juices being fermented - mango, orange, mixed fruits

When the brew is ready, bottle them, preferably in plastic bottles to avoid glass bottles explosions, and close the cap air-tight.

Its basically ready-to-drink. Place in fridge so that the fermentation ends. Cold temperature makes yeast chillout n stop working. The brew might even go clear after a few days. But murky is fine!

If u’d like more fizz, pour into a plastic bottle, add a teaspoon or two of sugar and close the bottle cap. The yeast will feed on the sugar and release CO2. Coz the cap is sealed, the CO2 cant escape & will get absorbed into the drink, makin it fizzy. (Yeasts r freaks dat dont need oxygen to survive.) After a day to two, u can test, then place in fridge. I suggest u store & reuse the apple juice bottles, but rinse them before u store, or the little remaining juice makes the bottles go moldy inside after awhile.

Release some air if the bottle looks like its gonna pop.

So there will still be yeast in the sidra when u drink. Its fine. Good for health. B-complex & protein.

Plastic bottles are preferred if u plan to add more sugar at the end, and seal the cap for fizz, coz the pressure build-up in glass bottles can cause them to explode. Throw them at the cops i guess.

Hmm. Maybe for the next protest.

The most important thing to remember – hygiene. Everything has to be sanitized (washed with soap) just before u start. Your hands, the utensils, the bottles, the fucking balloons, the fermenter, the goddam caps. And no chemicals. Yeast can die on contact with soap, so make sure u rinse all d soap off. Everything has to be natural.

And no, u wont go blind, unless u add methanol to your brew.

More yeast = faster process. More sugar = more alcohol. More yeast AND more sugar? Try n lemme know.

There are lots of resources online, like this. Plan to make chocolate wine, but dont know yet where to get preservative-free chocolates.

Anyway, there it is! Fruit juice + sugar + yeast and u got it made.

If ur cheap-ass, sugary water + yeast does the job too!

Enjoy!
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Hard Apple Cider on Foodista

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