About Deep

Alco blogger, ex-lifestyle/F&B writer for The Star

Breakin da goddam seal

… is a goddam bitch. It’s defined as the first piss u take after many drinks, and henceforth u gotta piss every 15 minutes. ITS FUCKED-UP SHIT.

Urban Dictionary has a reasonable definition.

Watever the cause, its fuckin irritating. Sometimes it makes me wanna piss into an empty bottle under d table. It aint so bad for guys tho. We could always take a walk outside n fire away. And guys can piss anywhere on the way to & from a pub or bar. Car parks, trees & drains are a fave.

In fact, i’ve thought of creating a disposable piss adaptor that chicks can wear over d groin, so they too can piss anywhere while standing up. How ladies? Interested? Its fun.

Well, cavemen/women had it easier.

And at least there r no queues at guys toilets. If i was a girl, i probably wd have pissed while in queues many times by now. I guess chicks got better holding power, since they can like give birth n shit. Respect.

Its worse with outlets that dont have d goddam decency to provide a toilet, like the glorified mamak, Laundry.

The human bladder is about 5in by 3in, and has a max capacity of about 800ml – one liter, or at least one bottle of wine, but we tend to have the urge from 200ml.

Beer - biggest dam culprit for pissing problems

Beer - biggest dam culprit for pissing problems

Holding piss in is one of the biggest side-effects and problems associated with drinking. (Other than not remembering what happened of course.) We ALL know how good it feels when u finally let go. In fact, its almost orgasmic.

Why does this happen tho. Why does the first piss open d floodgates? Any scientific explanation?

Anyway, from my research, there are a few theories.

One says “If you have to pee that much sooner as you continue drinking, it may be that you are simply less able to control your bladder, the drunker you become. I’ve seen drunks pee their pants without them even knowing it.”

Wat u talk? Our bladders also get drunk??

U can checkout how some medic school geeks study the issue at this blog. Too techy for me.

The best answer? “Because alcohol inhibits the hormone that helps your body hold onto water (it’s called ADH, or anti-diuretic hormone). So your urine output increases rapidly, out of proportion to the amount you drink, and your bladder fills up quicker and quicker. This is how you get dehydrated despite the fact that you are taking in fluids. Short answer – you are making more urine (more than d liquids u consume). It has nothing to do with the mechanics of the bladder.”

Thanks Einstein. But u didnt give a solution, did u asshole? Pop some ADH pills?

Even when u drink tons of black shit, your piss comes out clear. Where does all that black go??

Even when u drink LITERS of black shit, your piss comes out clear right away. Where does all that black go??

My only solution – have a good piss as soon as i arrive at d drinking spot. So it takes a lot longer before i gotta break da seal. Coz drinking less is outta d question.

In fact, drinking while pissing is niice. (Though it seems like ur wasting booze – it feels like its goin straight from throat to bladder to urinal.)

Also, u got a sterile, nice-tasting liquid to wash up with. Cool.

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Village chill

The Raya holidays was a blast. Hence, no blog entries. Havin too much fun. Haha

Managed a two-day excursion to Kuala Kubu Baru / KKB, my fave spot in da world. Thanks to Tiffany who had keys to a hut in the Orang Asli village of Pertak, which lies next to the Pertak River.

So we loaded up with extra-strong imported beers, a bottle of Smirnoff, white wine n BBQ pit. The idea was to chill of course.

Kena lemang on d way of course

Kena lemang on d way as usual

Nice toilet

Nice toilet

The scenic n chilled village

The scenic n chilled village, + welcoming party

I’ve stayed in Pertak before, courtesy of an old friend, Antares. And have stayed by Chilling River (further up the road) as well, in a bungalow, and in tents on d riverbank. They all rock. KKB’s Selangor River is also a great spot for rafting. Grade 3 to 4.

Arrived later afternoon, and was welcomed by a bunch of dogs n pups.

Nameless

Nameless dude. Dam cute. A month old

The bitch squirted out 9 pups! Jeez, dats why she so skinny now. One died, so 8 left, if anybody wants.

Our pad was a little bungalow in d village. It was perfect. Fridge, sink, beds & porch – dats all u need.

Swim-swim, drink-drink, bbq-bbq. Nice-nice. Hope to do it again real soon.

Layan

Layan

Bye sun

The sun sets over the vill

'Chefs' tryin not to burn bread

'Chefs' tryin not to burn bread

Beer-worship

Beer-worship

Dunno

Dunno

Chillin with Brown Brown

Chillin with Brown-Brown

View from my bed

View from my bed

Neighbours skinny dog, Coyote

Neighbour's skinny-ass pup, which i named Coyote. Quite a freak this guy

View from our hut of Antares' Bamboo Palace

View from our hut of Antares' Bamboo Palace

Next morning with Khang & cold beers

Next morning with Khang & cold beers

Brain damage rating: 7/10

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Yeast, ur da shit!

Yea, yeast is my new best friend. Coz i just gotta let them do what they do best, and before i know it, i got free booze!

My apple cider experiment has worked out. And its gooood.

Yeeehaaa!

Yeeehaaa!

These little fuckers just need sugar. They consume whatever sugary liquid u feed em, and they fart CO2 & piss out alcohol. How cool is dat?

Yeast piss. Yummy.

And just as a bonus, yeast are also a source of B-complex vitamins and protein.

Easily the most important & productive micro-organism on earth

Easily the most important & productive micro-organism on earth

All i gotta do is pound, and dump these organisms into apple juice, then chill for a couple of weeks. In d meantime, the yeast dudes are working 24-7, multiplying & producing alcohol all d time, billions of them, for free. I dont even have to give them a salary. Its slavery!

A German chemist wrote back in the day about yeast: “These are endowed with a sort of suction trunk with which they gulp up sugar. Digestion is immediate and clearly recognizable because of the discharge of excrements.”

He rambles on: “These animals evacuate ethyl alcohol from their bowels and carbon dioxide from their urinary organs. Thus, one can observe how a specially lighter fluid is exuded from the anus and rises vertically whereas a stream of carbon dioxide is ejected at very short intervals from enormously long genitals.” Haha! Big-dick boys.

One drop of fermenting juice can contain five million yeast cells capable of doubling their number every two hours.

The thing about these guys is they end up drinkin themselves to death. Wine yeast can survive up to 14-18% alcohol in d mix before dying of alco-poisoning, but beer yeast will probably die around 6%. Anyway, there are more than a thousand yeast species around, depending on what u wanna brew.

I made 12 liters of apple cider using about 30 cents worth of yeast. So my cost for producing all these booze is basically the same as the cost of apple juice. Amazing.

Then u realize that alcohol is actually fuckin cheap.

I waited 18 days before deciding dat it was strong n tasted good. Dats when u start bottling. After 2 weeks, i did a taste-test every day. When u feel it’s just right – good balance between sweet & sour & alcohol, its ready. I was bottling them when i was drunk, so no pictures of this happy process.

I was planning to make sidra (apple cider), but since i used wine yeast rather than brewer / beer yeast, i got apple champagne. Haha! To get the fizz, just add a teaspoon of sugar into each bottle then seal the cap. It shd be fizzy within a couple of days.

Bubbly apple wine

Bubbly apple wine

My brew is fucking strong. A couple of sips this morning n i was buzzing. Gonna get a hydrometer to check the % of alcohol.

Obviously the brew has only 100% natural ingredients.

Will post a step-by-step soon on the DIY apple wine. At the mo, sugar cane wine is brewing.

Yeast, u da man! Salud!

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