The chili wings showdown!

Kenny had this bright idea to have Larry’s extra spicy buffalo wings. He says “One plate of the hottest spicy chicken wings, 4 guys, no water. Last man standing wins.”

I know of Last Man Standing when it comes to booze, but food? Watever, as long as there’s booze there. As well as a chance for bragging rights.

So i was one of ’em. The others were KY and Larry, the owner of Frontera Bar & Grill at Jaya One, PJ.

We start well, with straight shots from a beautiful bottle, the Reserva del Senor, a 100% agave of course. Light-tasting and pretty  smooth. This baby is aged 12 months in oak barrels.

The Senor

The Senor

Then some food comes out. My fave was the excellent chili cheese burger – a juicy patty topped with chili.


Chili + cheese

Also had burritos and enchiladas

Also had burritos and enchiladas

After the great regular fun stuff, it was time for business. There were two baskets of wings – medium spicy and Killer.



We go for the regular first, at the same time. The last guy to touch a drink wins. It’s reasonably spicy, and tastes just right for authentic buffalo wings. Except Kenny, none of us need a drink.

Then it was time for Killer! Again, start eating at the same time, and gotta eat d whole thing. Halfway thru, there’re tears all round. We try hard to make each other drink water. Lots of resistance.

Kenny’s d first to crack. Probably lasted three minutes. Then Larry goes down in flames. So it’s me n KY. We hold out for at least five minutes, so become joint-champs.

The Killer wings are perfect for those who’d like an extra kick in their snack – makes u drink more. KY, who’s had these wings in d States, says they’re d real thing.

All in all, a great meal, and Larry the gracious host over-fed us.


Everything’s fine up to dis point.

Then, some smart-ass (cant remember which one of us), decides to have a round of play-offs – to determine the real winner! Haha!

Aaaand in the red cornerrr, weighin in at 2 grams, the hottest, sexiest, kick-ass, fiery, volcanic hell on earth, Habbbanyyeeerrrrooooo!!!!!

Aaaand, in the red cornerrr, from Mexico, weighin in at 8 grams, the hottest, sexiest, kick-ass, fiery, ass-burnin, satan-on-a-plate volcanic helllll on earthhhhh......., Habbbanyyyyeeerrrro!!!!!

So out comes d fuckin fourth hottest chili (formerly number one) on d planet, the goddam volcano in a palm, grenade in your ass, habanero, which i experienced before, and swore “never again!” I attempted to back-out, but failed.

Pride took over.

The catalyst and inspiration for d play-offs

The dam catalyst and inspiration for d play-offs

So one habanero is sliced into 4 – one slice each.We ‘cheers’, and then voluntarily put a slice of hell into our mouths.

Chili oso can cheers

Chili oso can "cheers!"

Niga it got messy. Real messy.

After a few seconds, we all freaked. Larry lost it and almost immediately stuffed some cake icing into his face. One down!

Kenny’s head ignited. I had to leave d table n walk around. Penang-fella KY was also on fire, but played it cool.

The other customers probably thought we had just snorted some cheap E. It was insane! All sorts of noises and grunts and heavy-breathing and intense panting. Anyone of the three of us could have easily lost it.

Sudah mariiii...

Sudah mariiii...

I pass an iced-water to Kenny. He grabs it, then puts it down. Damn.

Then the situation gets fluid. We’re all over the restaurant. And it goes downhill pretty quick. KY cant hold it in…

.. so he doanted his meal to d sink gods

.. so he donates his meal to d sewer gods. Two down.

Shine on...

Kenny starts to look real bad...

... then hurled

... then hurls

... then Larry struggled to keep his food down. "No pictures!"

... then Larry gags, but manages to keep his food down. "No pictures!"

God, what a mess. Dont fuck with da habanero, muchachos.

Which means only one thing – who da man  now, bitches! Haha. Pussssiiiies.

Penang, Sarawak and USA got whooped by KL.

Winner of a Senor!

Winner of a Senor!

It wasn’t easy, lemme tell u dat straight-up. Later after soaping my hands n some cold water, i touched my eye. Wat a fuck-up. It cooked! Made my cry like a baby.

One eye down

Tryin to remove an eye aint easy

A few minutes later i ‘realize’ i had also taken a piss! Goddam! So it starts to fry under my pants too!

Man, wat a night. A real blast.

After-effects of a nuclear detonation

After-effects of a nuclear detonation

Intestinal damage rating: 8/10


“How can you have an alcohol blog…

..without mentioning Frontera’s Agave Margaritas?!!”

That was d mail i received from Larry Martin of Frontera Bar & Grill (at Jaya One, PJ. 03 7958-8515) after he checked out this blog.


Frontera, a Tex-Mex joint, is one of few places where u can get REAL tequila – which is those that are made of 100% blue agave, a plant. The others are mixed, with minimum 51% blue agave, the rest sum other shit. Maybe gasoline. Coz the stupid plant takes 8 damn years to mature.

Real tequila is a lil similar to mezcal, which is also 100% agave. Great way to take your vegetables huh?

Whoever told u tequila is made from cactus has had too much tequila.

The natives in Mexico, the Aztecs, were brewing dis shit many centuries ago before d Spanish arrived and raped their women and stole their booze.

Not one to back-out of a booze challenge, i was at Frontera pretty soon. And got fucked up. Wingman Henry had to take medical leave the next day.

Larry was merciless. But we took it for d team. Mehican style. No salt, no lime.

The best relief for them hot days

The best relief for them hot days

Two shots of tequila as soon as we arrive (the panel was made up of me, Sargeant Henry & Private First-Class Joleen (who reviewed d food here once), d high-ranking officers from the Drinking Army), followed by a pitcher of margarita. And countless more tequila shots, and another pitcher, as well as one of the world’s hottest chili! Crazay.

Anyway, Larry start us off on the fine Monday evening with a shot of this:

Dont fuck with da Don

Dont fuck with da Don

Great choice. This is an anejo, meaning it’s been aged for between one to 3 years. (The most common one is the reposado label, aged 2 months to a year. The others are blanco or Silver (clear, unaged) and oro (gold, mixed, with caramel usually).

The Don Julio has the aroma of caramel, and the flavours of caramel and a hint of vanilla. Real smooth, and no need for lime.

Then Larry asks d bartender for a shot of Patron Silver. This is unaged, and served chilled.

Clear plant juice

Clear plant juice

This one is more tangy. I prefer d Don Julio, and Henry prefers the Patron (pronounced par-tron).

Then comes the pitcher. Larry, who’s from Houston, says margarita aint a girl’s drink. He says over there, its common for guys to go out and “get fucked-up by having pitchers of d stuff”. Few places serve pitchers here.

The ritas served here are well-made, with generous amounts of tequila – 7.5 shots per pitcher, but u dont really taste the liquor. Its made with Sauza Hornito, a reposado. It goes down easy, and is definitely one of the best i’ve ever had. They use agave nectar rather  than sugar syrup as sweetener, as well as only fresh limes.

Larry, a very gracious host who was determined to get us thoroughly fucked-up, serves the pitcher into rock glasses, rather than the normal wide-rim glass, cos he says

"This is what i call a fag glass"

"This is what i call a fag glass"

Then things turn bad for Henry. Larry asked “U like chili?” and i point straight to Henry. He’s some sort of chili junkie. Freak.

Straight from Mehico, appears the habanero, a very effective stomach-remover.

When u swallow a bomb, u get hurt

When u swallow a bomb, u get hurt

Henry eats the whole damn thing! Chews on it too! Nutcase. RESPECT.

Nothing happens for d first 20 seconds. But then he pays for it – it’s hot as hell! I thought his head was gonna explode and splatter some brains into my drink. He starts shaking and quivering.

It was the world’s hottest chili until 2007, rated in the Extreme category on the Scoville scale. Way hotter than birds-eye (cili padi). I try a little slice n immediately spit it out. And my mouth burns intensely for 15 mins. So Henry is really about to explode. The good part is u get a trip after that, like a drug. “Extremely intense, extremely euphoric!” is what Henry said when he could talk again. “Like u just came” and “Thank you for d experience Larry” were his other words.

I never knew u could trip out on chilies man. Maybe i could be a dealer. That sure would be a first.

The capsaicin in chilies makes your brain release endorphins. Hence da trip. Nice.

“Eat five more and u’ll break the record at Frontera” Larry says. Henry decided to pass. Good. He’s my ride home, so i didnt want him to die. He warned that Henry will suffer a “second attack” in d morning when he craps. “There’s a solution,” Larry says. “Dont shit for four days.”

The next morning Henry was up at 7am crapping. He didnt stop, so went to the doctor had d day off.

Larry gets fresh habaneros and jalapenos from Mexico for Frontera’s kitchen. And to torture customers.

Frontera should serve habaneros with free butt-plugs.

Next was the Don Julio Reposado. This one had more neutral flavours. Then a shot of Jose Cuervo 1800 (anejo). I thought this one was awesome! Sweet and smooth, almost like a cognac. Then Larry serves us a shot of jalapeno-infused tequila, which is done in-house. Not as spicy as i expected. We also had the Gran Centenario Reposado. This one is low on flavours.

Lined-up for execution

Lined-up for execution

Pure yummy

Pure yummy

We end the nite with a shot of Two Fingers, described by Larry as cheap shit coz its a mixto, meaning not 100% agave but 51%, like many common tequilas.

Prices for the 100% agave tequilas range between $18 and $28, while the regular tequilas are at $12. Pitchers cost from $110.

Take your pick

Take your pick

We were wasted by the time we left. An explosive nite in many ways. And an explosive ass for Henry in the morning.


Brain damage rating: 8.5/10

Related Posts with Thumbnails