The chili wings showdown!

Kenny had this bright idea to have Larry’s extra spicy buffalo wings. He says “One plate of the hottest spicy chicken wings, 4 guys, no water. Last man standing wins.”

I know of Last Man Standing when it comes to booze, but food? Watever, as long as there’s booze there. As well as a chance for bragging rights.

So i was one of ’em. The others were KY and Larry, the owner of Frontera Bar & Grill at Jaya One, PJ.

We start well, with straight shots from a beautiful bottle, the Reserva del Senor, a 100% agave of course. Light-tasting and pretty  smooth. This baby is aged 12 months in oak barrels.

The Senor

The Senor

Then some food comes out. My fave was the excellent chili cheese burger – a juicy patty topped with chili.


Chili + cheese

Also had burritos and enchiladas

Also had burritos and enchiladas

After the great regular fun stuff, it was time for business. There were two baskets of wings – medium spicy and Killer.



We go for the regular first, at the same time. The last guy to touch a drink wins. It’s reasonably spicy, and tastes just right for authentic buffalo wings. Except Kenny, none of us need a drink.

Then it was time for Killer! Again, start eating at the same time, and gotta eat d whole thing. Halfway thru, there’re tears all round. We try hard to make each other drink water. Lots of resistance.

Kenny’s d first to crack. Probably lasted three minutes. Then Larry goes down in flames. So it’s me n KY. We hold out for at least five minutes, so become joint-champs.

The Killer wings are perfect for those who’d like an extra kick in their snack – makes u drink more. KY, who’s had these wings in d States, says they’re d real thing.

All in all, a great meal, and Larry the gracious host over-fed us.


Everything’s fine up to dis point.

Then, some smart-ass (cant remember which one of us), decides to have a round of play-offs – to determine the real winner! Haha!

Aaaand in the red cornerrr, weighin in at 2 grams, the hottest, sexiest, kick-ass, fiery, volcanic hell on earth, Habbbanyyeeerrrrooooo!!!!!

Aaaand, in the red cornerrr, from Mexico, weighin in at 8 grams, the hottest, sexiest, kick-ass, fiery, ass-burnin, satan-on-a-plate volcanic helllll on earthhhhh......., Habbbanyyyyeeerrrro!!!!!

So out comes d fuckin fourth hottest chili (formerly number one) on d planet, the goddam volcano in a palm, grenade in your ass, habanero, which i experienced before, and swore “never again!” I attempted to back-out, but failed.

Pride took over.

The catalyst and inspiration for d play-offs

The dam catalyst and inspiration for d play-offs

So one habanero is sliced into 4 – one slice each.We ‘cheers’, and then voluntarily put a slice of hell into our mouths.

Chili oso can cheers

Chili oso can "cheers!"

Niga it got messy. Real messy.

After a few seconds, we all freaked. Larry lost it and almost immediately stuffed some cake icing into his face. One down!

Kenny’s head ignited. I had to leave d table n walk around. Penang-fella KY was also on fire, but played it cool.

The other customers probably thought we had just snorted some cheap E. It was insane! All sorts of noises and grunts and heavy-breathing and intense panting. Anyone of the three of us could have easily lost it.

Sudah mariiii...

Sudah mariiii...

I pass an iced-water to Kenny. He grabs it, then puts it down. Damn.

Then the situation gets fluid. We’re all over the restaurant. And it goes downhill pretty quick. KY cant hold it in…

.. so he doanted his meal to d sink gods

.. so he donates his meal to d sewer gods. Two down.

Shine on...

Kenny starts to look real bad...

... then hurled

... then hurls

... then Larry struggled to keep his food down. "No pictures!"

... then Larry gags, but manages to keep his food down. "No pictures!"

God, what a mess. Dont fuck with da habanero, muchachos.

Which means only one thing – who da man  now, bitches! Haha. Pussssiiiies.

Penang, Sarawak and USA got whooped by KL.

Winner of a Senor!

Winner of a Senor!

It wasn’t easy, lemme tell u dat straight-up. Later after soaping my hands n some cold water, i touched my eye. Wat a fuck-up. It cooked! Made my cry like a baby.

One eye down

Tryin to remove an eye aint easy

A few minutes later i ‘realize’ i had also taken a piss! Goddam! So it starts to fry under my pants too!

Man, wat a night. A real blast.

After-effects of a nuclear detonation

After-effects of a nuclear detonation

Intestinal damage rating: 8/10

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