Champy party

There was champagne comin outta my ears at August Man’s anniversary bash at Alexis, Gardens on Wed. My ex-Star buddy Rubin’s d editor. The mag’s only a year old, but celebrated in style! Champagne was sponsored by Mumm – 200 bottles worth!

The outlet is really cool, like d layout n design.

Hit Spaghetti Grill (03 2287-2220) at Megamall for a Guinness before i hit Alexis. Been advised dat they have super-chilled Guinness at cheap prices. They were right. An ice-cold pint from a frozen mug came up to $13.75 net. Sweet deal! All day all thru August. Not confirmed if they serve bottles, but bartender claims they do. A lil above $300 for a Captain Morgan.

y

Numero uno thirst quencher

Mad Max was with me at Alexis, unlike the last time, dis time he kept up with me, and was in fact ahead on d drinks at one point.

Nice drug

Nice, soluble drugs

Finger food. Yea!

Finger food. Yea!

Cool joint

Cool joint

U da man Mumm

U da man Mumm

Piss n wash

Pisser n washer

There was tons of bubbly. In fact, i washed my dick wit it after after every piss. Ticklish shit.

Me n Lynn (who's a hottie who downed a mini bottle like it wasnt there) n Adian's stoopid cacat hand

Senget with Lynn (who's a hottie) and who downed a mini bottle like it wasnt there n Adian's cacat hand

Fuck da police

My opinion of Malaysian pigs

Left after 200 bottles finito!

No! Come back u pink champagne!

No! Come back u pink champagne!

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Hints of Dutch lavender, with a roasted lemongrass finish…

Yea, u get to hear shit like dat when u go for booze tastings. Always blows me away. Haha!

Either i have a retarded tongue, or i’m really bad at description, coz most of d time, i dont get what the experts say they’re gettin.

They will sniff and sip a wine and describe all these lovely things they’re experiencing. Trippin out n shit. Makes me jealous actually.

I on d other hand will down it and say to myself, “Daaam, dis shit tastes like wine alrite!” Still, i enjoy attending tastings, especially wines, coz i goddam luv drinking wine. Lots of character and stories in wines. And wine gets me high in a hurry.

It’s also the only acceptable accompaniment to Italian food. NOT iced-lemon tea.

Did a judging of 28 wines once, which was awesome.

Blind tasting in session

Blind tasting in session

Some tasting notes i have for a wine says “It exhibits extraordinary purity, and beautiful sweet blackberry and cassis notes along with hints of graphite, camphor, and a subtle, but intense meaty character. It’s already revealing a wide array of aromas including blackberry tart, cedar, violets, truffles, liquorice.”

Huh what? U wanna run dat by me again?

When they start putting camphor in, dats too much. I mean, i aint got goddam cockroaches in my stomach to have to fuckin drink camphor.

“Blackberry tart”? Now there’s a tart in there too! Wow, can i meet her?

Should shove a bottle of tuak down one of their throats and say “U detect the tart now bitch??”

What are these guys, fuckin botanists?

But it is pretty impressive, actually.

An orchard

An orchard

i can detect elements like fruit, vanilla, tannins, mellowness/boldness, spice, dryness, smoothness, oak and the length. But I start to get lost / high, when things i’ve never had before get mentioned, like gooseberries (is dat goose shit?), and honeyed junipers.

Next time, i’ll try harder. Need to be more focused and sensitive. Close my eyes and do it right. And spew lines like “Hmmm… Yes, yess. Veeery interesting. Yesss. I too detect a gallant presence of vanilla, tempered by a rather teasing whiff of lightly-sauteed night-picked mushrooms, bold pillars of spring flowers, with a seductive nibble of freshly-ground, summer-sunned horse shit. Yes, yess.”

To each his own i guess. What would be good is a wine education session based on smells (and tastes) Malaysians are more familiar with, like lychee, satay, Roti Boy and exhaust fumes. Otherwise how do we relate?

Well, if u ask me, booze is not meant to be over-analyzed. It’s meant to be appreciated and enjoyed. Of course to appreciate, u need to be informed and educated. If u wanna over-analyze, go for a food review or get a PhD.

Tequila-tastings i have no problems with. Aint really refined, high-society events

Tequila-tastings, i have NO problems fitting in. Aint exactly refined, high-society events

There’s this great article at Playboy.com about wine snobs and how to get into their game, called Real Wine, Fake Experts. There’s dis dude who writes for Playboy, Dan Dunn aka the Imbiber. Funny guy. Quote: “I routinely encounter pompous schmucks who believe they possess God’s own palate, and that they deserve the adulation of everyone around them for swirling some fermented grape juice around in their mouths and pronouncing it “troubling, yet brilliant.”.

And tip No 7 .
7. DON’T SLURP. DON’T SPIT. DON’T USE THE PHRASE “NICE LEGS”
It’s a wine tasting, not a construction site.

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Langkaued-up with them Ibans

Phew. Five days in Sarawak went by in a flash.

Must be the mental haze caused by all dat langkau, the local Sarawak liquor-moonshine made from rice. Similar to lao lao from Laos.

If it looks hardcore, it is

Like some hard-hittin chicano party. If it seems hardcore, it was

Started the trip in style – straight from Kuching airport to this local hotel, Telang Usan, the usual pit-stop for a heavy tuak + laksa lunch. Got wasted then headed to Damai, a seaside area where the resorts and Rainforest World Music Festival venue (SCV – Sarawak Cultural Village) are.

Rice. Nice

Rice. Nice

As we had rooms in SCV, a couple of their staff came out to greet us. As soon as i put my backpack on d road, there was a sound – a clunk of tuak bottles. The guys, Leo and Bujang, heard it. I thought they would give us the official line – “No outside drinks allowed”.

Leo says “That’s a nice sound!” I reply “Yea, tuak!” He says “We have langkau! Come over to the Iban Longhouse tonite.” Surprised and glad, I say “OK.” The village has various showhouses of the major tribes in Sarawak.

Our pad was in the Melanau Tall House – a huge house on 49 high pillars.

High in our high house

High in our high house

Around midnight, a bunch of us head to the Iban Longhouse. I’ve had much drinking experience with d locals – in urban scenes as well as deep upriver in d interior longhouses, so i knew wat to expect – hardcore shit. Expect no mercy, show no mercy! But some of d boys were nervous. Haha!

When we go in, there’re a bunch of locals doin langkau, with Leo n Bujang. We get down to business. A little cup was passed around. It was sum cocktail – langkau plus some Tsingtao beer. Watever. Once u sit your ass on the ruai, you don’t get fussy or picky. U down wat u get.

“Express style,” Leo says. Which means the cup keeps going around. A shot is poured, u shout ooooohaaa!, down it, and pass it back to the tekong aka sadong – which is d guy who does d pouring, which was Bujang. He keeps pouring n passing. Later he adds tuak to d mix! Unheard of man, unheard of.

Leo, the Maori-lookin Iban

Leo, the Maori-lookin Iban

Then some other moonshine shows up – Glenford whisky. Made in Sibu. 15 bucks a bottle – shockingly smooth. Then Bujang mixes d whisky n the langkau. Neat.

Gosh, what a session. Fuckin merciless. Get high or die tryin.

Always a lot of thirsty people in Sarawak. I like.

We staggered home.

D next day was Friday, d start of d three-day fest. D music on Friday night, like last year, was crap. I didnt bother to attend d night show coz d tunes would have put me to sleep, so partied in d room.

Our little party room aka d Penthouse aka d Crack Den aka the Whore House

Ben Bitch in our little party room aka d Penthouse aka d Crack Den aka the Whore House

From others’ feedback, music was crap. Lullabies.

Friday nite n Saturday nite we end up with d Iban boys again after d gig, with a twist – there was a snack with d langkau – live, fatass sago worms. Joleen had gone to her kampung in Bau n got some. Fuckdatshit. I wasnt planning on havin any. D others went for it. “Crunchy n juicy” it seems. I’ll stick to crunchy peanuts n juicy pork ribs with my booze.

Fat fucks.

Fat fucks tryin hard to make a getaway

D boys introduced us to a new kid called Royal. At 15 bucks a bottle, a good deal. Another Sibu product. Sarawak’s sure got a thrivin liquor industry! The label says brandy-flavoured liquor. Haha! At least it was smooth, though neat. Some dude called Alfred seems to vouch for its quality. Whodafuck Alfred?

If u say so Al

If u say so Al

Which one's water, which one's langkau?? Only one way to find out. Actually two - taste it or smell it

Which one’s water, which one’s langkau?? Only one way to find out. Actually 2 – taste it, or smell it. In dis case, langkau at rear

D band worthy of being labelled as world music n deserved to be there was Akasha (Malaysia). Brickfields Blues was super. And of course the Irish Joget. Awesome mix of traditional and modern styles! (Listen here). But some idiot put them on as d first act, when their rockin, creative tunes should have been d closing act. Seems like Malaysian bands never get to be the closing act.

The music flow at the festival was pretty bad. An upbeat band followed by dinner / elevator music (Red Chamber, China). Saturday night i went back to d room midway. Haha. Coz d music was affecting my high. Potong nevermind, but fuckin turun straight.

D fest should be renamed d world jazz fest or chillout tunes fest. Coz dat sums it up. Musically it has become unexciting and very ordinary since ’07. The crazy bands are gone, so are the tribal tunes. The crowd seemed less this year.

Dont matter, coz i had a fuckin blast anyway. Ben Bitch said sumtin weird one of those nites  – “I’m drunk like no drunk before!”

Headed straight to Sid’s Pub for drinks after arrival at LCCT. Had to end it right. Need closure.

Thank God for d crew i was with n d boys who hosted n entertained us there. OOOOHAAAA mafuckers!

Chillin..

Chillin..

Our vill

Our vill

Yea, leave those beers n go kid

Yea, deliver our breakfast n scram, u man-faced kid

Ben Bitch lettin loose in an outhouse

Ben Bitch lettin loose in an outhouse, with Bunkface queuing-up

A kliering (burial pole)

A kliering (very large burial pole)

The finale, Sunday nite

The finale, Sunday nite

Quality

Quality. Alfred quality

Ben Bitch doin some nightwater rafting

Ben Bitch doin some nightwater rafting

Da beach, Damai

Da beach, Damai

Trendy head-hunting swords. Used.

Trendy head-hunters’ swords. Used.

After-touchdown-party

After-touchdown-party, KL

My thirst was quenched!

My thirst was quenched!

Brain damage rating: 9/10

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An intimate afternoon with many many vinos

Flavours magazine asked if i wanted to be a judge in a wine-tasting panel.

This is what’s known as a hypothetical question, cos it dont require an answer.

This session was pretty specific – a blind-tasting focused on wines below $80 (retail). BTW blind-tasting dont mean u get blindfolded.

So at 2pm a few days ago, there were four glasses of chilled whites staring at me. Seemed like a sweet deal for a Monday afternoon. The tasting notes chart, where i fill in my comments & ratings, looked like it had many sheets. Hmmm. I assumed we will try about 10 wines, tops.

Bread and a water bottle were the other accompaniments.

O yea, and a spit bowl. Haha. Yea right! Like am gonna spit out perfectly good vino. Gross man.

Hmmph! Get dat bowl outta here! Reminds me of a bed pan

Yea, u stay empty. Just get dat bowl outta here! Reminds me of a bed pan

Yea, spit bowls are for pussies.

But then i was told that we had to go through goddam 28 wines! Huh? Insanity! I want my money back!

Well, since i didnt pay shit, sallgood.

Shy wines having a cold bath

Shy wines havin a cold bath

Anyway, the first four wines went pretty quick. They were chardonnays, followed by several sauvignons. Penfold’s Rawson Retreat Riesling was good. A nice blend of fruitiness and acidity, plus a pleasant, mid-length finish.I could hear mumbled curses from another judge right around wine number 10. Maybe coz it was sweet. Thing is i did expect it to be a lil sweet, and in fact luved it!

I later found out it was a white zinfandel, by Delicato of California. The awesome colour is what grabs u at first (i scribbled into d review comments – “A beautiful deep orange-red – would love to have my V-dub in this colour”.) Haha. It’s got a candy-like nose. If u like something slightly-sweet with a light sherry-like finish, dis is d one. Can be drunk at any time.

Me like. And received a bottle to take home

Me like dis Delicato. And received a bottle to take home. Thanks Suzanne

.At wine 13, i realized i was quite buzzed! Gosh. Only like halfway. There goes gym plans!

After 15, i was like “Lord have mercy!”

Then i was staring at these:

Merciless. 16-19 were the first wave, 20-23 (background) were ready with d second wave

Merciless. 16-19 were the second wave of reds, 20-23 (background) were ready with d third wave

The army of reds attacked – there were seventeen to go thru.

Fuck. My commitment to the cause ‘swayed’ a little.

I leaned back into the chair, took a breath and assessed my situation. Intense. Would i be able to write any sense into d tasting charts?

What did i say about spit bowls earlier?? Dam. Hmm, how do i always get myself into this kinda mess?

Okay 16-19, u wanna dance, we’ll dance!

I was soon back on track, knockin ’em back. There were some real smooth reds – the Delicato Cabernet Sauvignon and Jacob’s Creek‘s Shiraz Cabernet Sauvignon notably. Straight-forward easy reds dat would go well with most meals, as not too overpowering or bold. Should suit all casual drinkers.

But at 20, confusion starts to kick in. They all start smelling d same. I dont know what notes to write! I feel like i was a confused kid in an exam. I bet the deep breaths i took of d reds also got me high.

Other ones i liked were the Kilikanoon The Lackey Shiraz and Penfold’s Koonunga Hill Shiraz Cabernet. Easy-drinkin wines, plesantly surprising, considering under $80. Very suitable for parties too.

OK la i guess. Most wines i liked came from wineries dat have won awards.

If u wanna read my personal version of ‘wine language’, click here!

Wine connoisseurs in really serious thought

Wine connoisseurs in really serious thought

.I sat there for almost three hours, sipping away all d time. Eventually my notes were a lil messed-up. Missed a couple of entry columns too. By 5pm, i was THERE..

The finale. Salud!

The finale. Salud!

.So i took the complimentary bottle of Delicato to Sid’s and had it right away.

I hope d top 5 wines that i submitted to Flavours for publication purposes weren’t like 20 bucks. Haha. Would say something about my taste!

.

Brain damage rating: 8/10

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