..without mentioning Frontera’s Agave Margaritas?!!”

That was d mail i received from Larry Martin of Frontera Bar & Grill (at Jaya One, PJ. 03 7958-8515) after he checked out this blog.

Hmmm.

Frontera, a Tex-Mex joint, is one of few places where u can get REAL tequila – which is those that are made of 100% blue agave, a plant. The others are mixed, with minimum 51% blue agave, the rest sum other shit. Maybe gasoline. Coz the stupid plant takes 8 damn years to mature.

Real tequila is a lil similar to mezcal, which is also 100% agave. Great way to take your vegetables huh?

Whoever told u tequila is made from cactus has had too much tequila.

The natives in Mexico, the Aztecs, were brewing dis shit many centuries ago before d Spanish arrived and raped their women and stole their booze.

Not one to back-out of a booze challenge, i was at Frontera pretty soon. And got fucked up. Wingman Henry had to take medical leave the next day.

Larry was merciless. But we took it for d team. Mehican style. No salt, no lime.

The best relief for them hot days

Two shots of tequila as soon as we arrive (the panel was made up of me, Sargeant Henry & Private First-Class Joleen (who reviewed d food here once), d high-ranking officers from the Drinking Army), followed by a pitcher of margarita. And countless more tequila shots, and another pitcher, as well as one of the world’s hottest chili! Crazay.

Anyway, Larry start us off on the fine Monday evening with a shot of this:

Dont fuck with da Don

Great choice. This is an anejo, meaning it’s been aged for between one to 3 years. (The most common one is the reposado label, aged 2 months to a year. The others are blanco or Silver (clear, unaged) and oro (gold, mixed, with caramel usually).

The Don Julio has the aroma of caramel, and the flavours of caramel and a hint of vanilla. Real smooth, and no need for lime.

Then Larry asks d bartender for a shot of Patron Silver. This is unaged, and served chilled.

Clear plant juice

This one is more tangy. I prefer d Don Julio, and Henry prefers the Patron (pronounced par-tron).

Then comes the pitcher. Larry, who’s from Houston, says margarita aint a girl’s drink. He says over there, its common for guys to go out and “get fucked-up by having pitchers of d stuff”. Few places serve pitchers here.

The ritas served here are well-made, with generous amounts of tequila – 7.5 shots per pitcher, but u dont really taste the liquor. Its made with Sauza Hornito, a reposado. It goes down easy, and is definitely one of the best i’ve ever had. They use agave nectar rather  than sugar syrup as sweetener, as well as only fresh limes.

Larry, a very gracious host who was determined to get us thoroughly fucked-up, serves the pitcher into rock glasses, rather than the normal wide-rim glass, cos he says

"This is what i call a fag glass"

Then things turn bad for Henry. Larry asked “U like chili?” and i point straight to Henry. He’s some sort of chili junkie. Freak.

Straight from Mehico, appears the habanero, a very effective stomach-remover.

When u swallow a bomb, u get hurt

Henry eats the whole damn thing! Chews on it too! Nutcase. RESPECT.

Nothing happens for d first 20 seconds. But then he pays for it – it’s hot as hell! I thought his head was gonna explode and splatter some brains into my drink. He starts shaking and quivering.

It was the world’s hottest chili until 2007, rated in the Extreme category on the Scoville scale. Way hotter than birds-eye (cili padi). I try a little slice n immediately spit it out. And my mouth burns intensely for 15 mins. So Henry is really about to explode. The good part is u get a trip after that, like a drug. “Extremely intense, extremely euphoric!” is what Henry said when he could talk again. “Like u just came” and “Thank you for d experience Larry” were his other words.

I never knew u could trip out on chilies man. Maybe i could be a dealer. That sure would be a first.

The capsaicin in chilies makes your brain release endorphins. Hence da trip. Nice.

“Eat five more and u’ll break the record at Frontera” Larry says. Henry decided to pass. Good. He’s my ride home, so i didnt want him to die. He warned that Henry will suffer a “second attack” in d morning when he craps. “There’s a solution,” Larry says. “Dont shit for four days.”

The next morning Henry was up at 7am crapping. He didnt stop, so went to the doctor had d day off.

Larry gets fresh habaneros and jalapenos from Mexico for Frontera’s kitchen. And to torture customers.

Frontera should serve habaneros with free butt-plugs.

Next was the Don Julio Reposado. This one had more neutral flavours. Then a shot of Jose Cuervo 1800 (anejo). I thought this one was awesome! Sweet and smooth, almost like a cognac. Then Larry serves us a shot of jalapeno-infused tequila, which is done in-house. Not as spicy as i expected. We also had the Gran Centenario Reposado. This one is low on flavours.

Lined-up for execution

Pure yummy

We end the nite with a shot of Two Fingers, described by Larry as cheap shit coz its a mixto, meaning not 100% agave but 51%, like many common tequilas.

Prices for the 100% agave tequilas range between $18 and $28, while the regular tequilas are at $12. Pitchers cost from $110.

Take your pick

We were wasted by the time we left. An explosive nite in many ways. And an explosive ass for Henry in the morning.

.

Brain damage rating: 8.5/10