What your drink says about you

Here’s sumtin i read online re assumptions made by bartenders regarding their customers, based on what they order.

Malibu & Coke: You vomit easily.

Vodka Cranberry: You don’t know what you want in life, or at this bar.

Patron: Danger. I am adding gratuity to your check.

Gin & Tonic: $$$

Vodka & Tonic: We could be friends.

Long Island Ice Tea: You just broke up with your boy/girl and have chosen tonight as the night you will “move on”.

Foreign Beer: You are on a 2nd or 3rd date, trying to impress the girl with your cultured taste for Turkish pilsner.

Cosmo: For the love of God, hurry up and finish the 6th season of Sex & The City.

Red Bull & Vodka: You’re an asshole.

Pinot Grigio: You are approaching menopause faster than you think.

Pinot Noir: You don’t really go to bars.

Moscato: You listen to too much rap.

Gran Marnier: What are you doing here?

Vodka Martini: You had a serious day at work, or you are a functional alcoholic.

White Russian: Obsessed with The Big Lebowski, and probably The Daily Show. Or, you just like to drink dessert.

Lillet/Campari/Aperol: You’re twee, and possibly like to throw around words like “mixology.”

White wine: You’re definitely a woman. You’re possibly a little uptight.

Prosecco: You’re often a little uptight, but tonight you’re looking to party.

Margarita: All of your relationships have either begun or ended at a wet t-shirt contest.

Whiskey, neat: You’re hot. Regardless of gender.

Jäger: Secretly wishing you were hanging out with your buddies.

Martini: If you’re a guy, you’re trying to impress (and it’s probably working). If you’re a girl drinking a dirty martini, you’re a hot mess: the dirtier, the messier, the hotter.

Vodka on the Rocks: Too self-conscious to actually order a martini.

Singapore Sling: You learned to drink from your mother.

Zombie: No matter what people say, you’re getting along just fine without long-term memory.

Tequila Slammer: You’re down-to-earth. Usually face-down.

I too have got my own assumptions:

Champagne: You like drinking

Cognac: You like drinking

Mojito: You like drinking

Anything with alcohol: You like drinking

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Cruise in style

Checked out motoXpo 2012 today, a two-wheel show and conference goin on now. Some mean machines right there. Among the Japs, i love Kawasaki designs the best, then Yamaha. Suzuki & Honda, naah, not radical.

The latest Yamaha VMax. Bitch

Today brought back some sweet memories of when i had my Kawasaki ZXR750, a sport bike.

My ex

It was, to put it plainly – a rocket with an attached seat. 0-100 km/h in 2.8 seconds. Beats any Ferrari. Or any goddam car in the world. The speedo goes up to 280km/h.

But of course, u have to crash. Comes with the deal.

Yamaha R1. Goddam

And unlike drink-driving, drink-riding is a real serious challenge. There’s body balance, and bike balance involved. Booze & balance? Not friends.
Especially if yor bike weighs 200 kilos.

And if ur too drunk, u might just slide off d seat. Haha

I actually dozed off while riding once, but was sober.

KTM's Duke 690. Cibai

Had a few spills, one involving Bala, the same dude who was with me that legendary night when Night Train derailed my fuckin ass.

We were real high and cruisin on my ride in Bangsar. Was still thirsty so gatecrashed a house where there was some dinner / catering goin on. Walked in and had a beer or two each. Stole the glass too. And rode out.

Kawasaki Z1000s. Mafucker

Payback wuz around d corner. As i heroically overtook a car at a corner (Travers), i went off d road slightly, due to an understeer. Tyres got into some fuckin mud, bike danced & fish-tailed, went across the lane and hit the pavement. I lost control, and the bike threw me against a tree, and it carried on sliding on the road, stopping quite a distance away.

I was lucky i was off the bike, or it would have minced my leg.

Kawasaki Vulcan Custom. Sheeeet

My chest slammed against the tree trunk, dislocating a rib. Man it hurt, and i couldnt breathe. I didn’t see Bala anywhere! Soon i walked about lookin for him, in a daze.

Then i heard some groaning from a distance – niga was in the drain! Haha! He was catapulted or sumtin, rolled down the slope n into d drain.

Yamaha Moegi. Ermmm...

Ambulance scooped us soon after. We were both hurt but reasonably ok, bike not so.

Kawasaki Z1000 Custom. Jesus

Drink-riding is a league of its own. If i start riding again, its gonna be a problem!

Vespa. Ol skool dawg

Anyway, the expo is on till Sunday at Putra World Trade Center, KL.

Riders, go get a hard on.

Getdafuck outta here

 

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2011

was pretty fun.

Loads of stuff went on. Such as:

Hit Laos for the second time...

Yup

Alcon rocked da house, all over the media..

The best chocolate / dessert mountain i ever seen, Traders Hotel 5th Anniversary

Did KK..

And Langkawi

Mac Daddy went in for a pimp-up

And Bersih street party

Party Season was heavy.

Did a bush bbq party

Carlsberg had a rockin Oktoberfest, cooler than Where's the Party 2..

Hit Thirst

Threw a morning party for my birthday at El Meson

Popped this bottle

Hennessy had a kick-ass, fat-cat dinner, with amazing surround screens

Chilled at Esquire's contributors rooftop party

Spotted a UFO in Paulie's car

My bro's birthday party..

A girl in a tree..

Rocked it with Grandmaster Flash..

Ended it all in KK, again, tho i doubt am goin back there anymore. Scene has gone downhill/boring

I deserve a break.

2012? Well, who knows watsup. Lots of talk about it being the finale, for humans maybe.

In fact, my column in Esquire this month is about that – how to spend the final day before that doomsday date in December. A one-day guide on how to party-up in style from noon, and basically drink yourself to death at exactly midnight. Check it out. Haha

 

Brain damage: 8/10

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