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COCKTALES, by the Thirsty Blogger

The world of livin the good life, alcohol & travel

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Smirnoff Mojito

March 22nd, 2012 · ~ Booze news / new products ~, ~ Cocktails ~

Yup. Smirnoff now has a range of vodka ‘cocktails’, one of which is Smirnoff Vodka Mojito. It comes in a 700ml bottle, and is a mix of vodka, Triple Sec liqueur, and a dash of mint. A very basic recipe.

I prefer mine with rum.

All set

Since it’s already mixed, firepower is low, like a strong wine, at 15%.

Others in this range are Tuscan Lemonade, Grand Cosmo, and Pomegranate Martini.

Nice ass

For lazy butts, and those who want sumtin that’s convenient, ready to go.  Good for a travel pack i guess.

 

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What your drink says about you

March 20th, 2012 · ~ Random ~

Here’s sumtin i read online re assumptions made by bartenders regarding their customers, based on what they order.

Malibu & Coke: You vomit easily.

Vodka Cranberry: You don’t know what you want in life, or at this bar.

Patron: Danger. I am adding gratuity to your check.

Gin & Tonic: $$$

Vodka & Tonic: We could be friends.

Long Island Ice Tea: You just broke up with your boy/girl and have chosen tonight as the night you will “move on”.

Foreign Beer: You are on a 2nd or 3rd date, trying to impress the girl with your cultured taste for Turkish pilsner.

Cosmo: For the love of God, hurry up and finish the 6th season of Sex & The City.

Red Bull & Vodka: You’re an asshole.

Pinot Grigio: You are approaching menopause faster than you think.

Pinot Noir: You don’t really go to bars.

Moscato: You listen to too much rap.

Gran Marnier: What are you doing here?

Vodka Martini: You had a serious day at work, or you are a functional alcoholic.

White Russian: Obsessed with The Big Lebowski, and probably The Daily Show. Or, you just like to drink dessert.

Lillet/Campari/Aperol: You’re twee, and possibly like to throw around words like “mixology.”

White wine: You’re definitely a woman. You’re possibly a little uptight.

Prosecco: You’re often a little uptight, but tonight you’re looking to party.

Margarita: All of your relationships have either begun or ended at a wet t-shirt contest.

Whiskey, neat: You’re hot. Regardless of gender.

Jäger: Secretly wishing you were hanging out with your buddies.

Martini: If you’re a guy, you’re trying to impress (and it’s probably working). If you’re a girl drinking a dirty martini, you’re a hot mess: the dirtier, the messier, the hotter.

Vodka on the Rocks: Too self-conscious to actually order a martini.

Singapore Sling: You learned to drink from your mother.

Zombie: No matter what people say, you’re getting along just fine without long-term memory.

Tequila Slammer: You’re down-to-earth. Usually face-down.

I too have got my own assumptions:

Champagne: You like drinking

Cognac: You like drinking

Mojito: You like drinking

Anything with alcohol: You like drinking

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Why cocktail bars fail

March 15th, 2012 · ~ Bars / Clubs / Restaurants ~, ~ Cocktails ~, ~ Trade ~

I’ve seen ‘em come, I’ve seen ‘em go. And go…

Cocktail bars in KL tend not to do too well, tho they start pretty ambitious. I have several explanations for this.

The main one is the pricing system in this country. On top of the govt tax, bars and clubs mark-up their drinks 100% easy, and many even mark-up 200%! Cocktails? Probably 300%.

Why mark-up so highly? Because they do. And anyway you’d probably blame the government for the high prices.

(If they use cheap-shit alcohol, mark up is 1000+ %)

Cocktail culture? Not yet. Maybe not ever

Hence, people prefer to buy bottles of spirits – more bang for your buck. Higher ROI. If everybody bought individual drinks all their lives, all drinkers wd be broke by now. Cocktails? Double-broke.

So we’re so used to keeping things simple – a bottle of whisky, a pitcher of Coke or water. Done deal. Vodka? Orange or cranberry. That’s as complicated as the cocktails get for the general population.

Cocktail orders tend to be limited to sangria, margarita, mojito

Another major factor is the local F&B industry have really fucked things up. Many bars are stingy, and instead of using regular spirits in their cocktails, they use cheap-ass moonshine from Klang, meaning the cocktails taste like cock. Malaysian have gotten used to crap cocktails because of this, and so are not into it anymore. Besides shit taste, u could earn yorself a good hangover.

So-called popular bars do this too, so better check next time ur there. And many bars also use crap mixers, even if they use premium spirits. What’s the point?

U wanna pay 20-30 bucks for a piece of shit?

As for me, even tho i’m all over the  goddam place, i’ve  rarely come across really good-tasting cocktails, even by good bartenders using good shit. 80% are unbalanced and not smooth. Most are too sour, many are too sweet. One sip may be fine, but then finishing the whole glass is a different story. It can be a struggle!

What a waste of alcohol. And a waste of hard-earned money.

I think these bartenders need to drink their own cocktails a lot more, and not dip a skinny-ass straw into it and have a tiny sample. Of course most cocktails taste fine like that. Drink the whole glass. Or three.

Some bars even hire clueless foreigners! But i’ve already talked about this before.

I usually reserve cocktail-making for my house parties or travel or my blog parties.

Yea baby!

I’ve done a better job than some of these guys if i say so myself, with my Kelapa Rock (coconut water-based cocktail) and Brown Brown (Milo-ais based cocktail), among others. Easy, tasty.

At the moment, the better-known cocktail bars are View Bar, 21 and Tate. Be prepared to pay high prices.

One of the longest-living and coolest cocktail lounge was Chill. It was real smooth. Great cocktails, reasonable prices, great chilled Ibiza and Hed Kandi tunes in the afternoon/evening (and soul/funk house later at night, courtesy of DJ me!), funky decor, cool guys, and hot chicks. It had a good four-year run, but was ahead of its time.

Like dumb blondes, some only LOOK good

I look forward to cocktail bars for mainstream drinkers, with good mixers, normal-standard spirits, reasonable prices, balanced-tasting drinks, cool decor, and innovative bartenders. O yea, solid tunes too.

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The latest top 50 brands

March 13th, 2012 · ~ Booze news / new products ~, ~ Trade ~

Johnnie Walker has taken first place in Brands by Value, a list of the world’s 50 most valuable drinks brands.

The list is compiled by brand valuation consultancy Brand Finance.

Brand Finance created the list using a complex matrix of calculations based on financial results, future forecasts, brand strength and ‘royalty relief’.

According to the report, the top five was made up of international stalwart brands but two Chinese baiju brands, Kweichow Moutai and Wuliangye, also had successful years, rising to sixth and seventh respectively!

Baiju (literally, white alcohol) is a grain liquor. It’s typically Asian – it’s basically rice wine that’s been distilled, with an abv of between 40-60%, like lao lao (Laos) or langkau (Malaysia).

Anyway, here’s the Top 10.

1         Johnnie Walker

2         Bacardi

3         Hennessy

4         Smirnoff

5         Chivas Regal

6         Kweichow Moutai

7         Wuliangye

8         Baileys

9         Moet & Chandon

10       Jack Daniel’s

Kickin ass

Number 6, the Moutai shit (53% abv) is serious business. Here’s what the website says about this high-ranker: “It is the monument of liquor culture that brewers have used magic talent, distilled the cream of broomcorn, picked up the soul of wheat, exploited the nimbus of the sky and earth, and captured irreplaceable microorganisms of special environment for fermentation, mixing and sublimation.”

Nice.

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