Category Archives: ~ Travel ~

Partying & messin about, Laos

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Had an awesome 8-day vacation in Laos in Feb. Three ass-kickers – the bars/cafes, the booze, n d clean, clear river that runs through the town.

We landed in Vientiane and jumped into a van to Vang Vien immediately. Coz dats where its at.

Vang Vien is goddam beautiful, especially adventure stuff, the river and the hills.

I have a general policy to not travel the same place twice, but might make an exception for Vang Vien. It’s a mix of nature, adventure and partying.

We rented a couple of motorcycles (about RM20/day) that were real useful. Trashed them well – off-road n shit, to get to cool spots to drink n party by d river. And some caving.

Beer Lao is Laos’ best-kept secret. The best beer I had in years. Joleen, who dislikes beer, started drinkin beer there. Haha. It’s like two bucks a beer, and available everywhere. And i mean EVERYWHERE. Even under a bridge, by its pillar, while you’re kayaking or tubing downriver. It’s light-tasting and smooth. Alcohol is 5%.

And the local moonshine is called…. guess what? Lao-lao. So dat even if ur drunk n brain-dead, u can still say “more lao-lao!”.

It’s clear rice liquor, like Sarawak’s abortion-inducer, langkau (not to be confused with Sarawak’s mood-enhancer, tuak).

And the top whisky is called Tiger. Both of these are like only 8 bucks a bottle. Tiger is pretty decent. Warms u up quick when tubing downriver. Bars located all along d river. Just wave, they throw u a rope, n pull u in. Exchange some cash, get your booze, continue to float aimlessly downriver. Awesome.

So here are some glimpses. I wasnt carrying so most pix were taken by Khang & Joleen.

Khang enjoys the team's default breakfast

Khang enjoys the team's mandatory breakfast

Crossing d bridge... to d Other Side Bungalows (more like shacks, but luved it)

Crossing d bridge... to d Other Side Bungalows (more like shacks, but luved it)

Here are.... d shacks

Here are.... d shacks

The sun sets in our backyard

The sun sets in our backyard

The first nite. Hazy

The first nite. Hazy

Beer & mandi-sungai huts near our 'resort'

Beer & mandi-sungai huts near our 'resort'

Tiger whisky n sum other shine

Tiger whisky n sum other shine

Made a trip thru fields to a riverside spot to party n jump into d river

Made a trip thru fields to a riverside spot to party n jump into d river

Takin a break from d sun

Takin a break from d sun...

And ended up here. Niiice!

And started monkeying around, after several Smirnoffs

And started monkeying around, after several Green Apple Smirnoffs

Kayaked 8km downriver one morning, with the help of one Beer Lao every km

Here, have a rat. We had a bbq-ed field mouse

Here! Have a rat. We had a bbq-ed field mouse. Rubbery shit

Bars n cafes have Happy Menus

Bars n cafes have Happy Menus

The psycho seven who were on da road. Effortlessly gave Malaysia a bad name

The psycho seven who were on da road. Effortlessly gave Malaysia a bad name

Booze is served Thai style

Booze is served Thai style. Sempoerna pack was BYO

Gettin drunk while tubing. Awesome trip downriver

Avoid these people at all costs

Avoid these travellers at all costs

If u want sights like these over there, u gotta be adventurous n clueless

If u want scenes like these over there, u gotta be adventurous. And clueless

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Brain damage rating: 8/10

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The Drinking Army

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There exists a small, elite group of party animals.

Specialists. Snipers. The cream.

Known as Binatang Parti Malaysia (BPM): Sniper Squad.

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The purpose of this unit is simple – party well n hard, systematically. I’m in it, and so are 15 others – 6 guys, 9 girls and one dog. It was formed a few years ago, and since then whenever we party, especially on da road, everything is set-up smooth. Real smooth. Like clockwork.

There’s nothing required to party that’s lacking.

At the moment it consists of a Lieutenant (me), Sarge (Henry), Sargeant Anil (medic), two Private First-Class (PFCs) and the rest are Privates (Homey is a Private too). No maggots (Cadets) at d mo coz they all been promoted to Privates already. Dam. No one to bully anymore. Need fresh meat.

Some rose up d ranks like naturals, others require more training. Don’t know what Homey’s role is. Well mascot i guess, since our logo is his ancestor, da wolf.

Anyway, the unit members earn points before they get promoted. The better u party, the more points u earn and get a higher rank, eventually. The higher your rank, the more perks and preferences u get. Like d best booze, d best rooms when travelling, d least work, etc. Haha! Am serious. Got facebook group n shit.

We take our partying seriously.

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Clockwise from front - LT, non-member, PFC, Maggot (back then), Private, Private

Party hard! Clockwise from front - LT, non-member/opportunist, PFC, Maggot (now Private), Private, and Private (music fest, Sarawak)

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A Maggot / trainee becomes a Private (a legit member of d squad, but lowest rank) once he / she earns 50 points. Until then, take sum shit!

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A sample of the points system:

Criteria for promotions/demotions

Attending a rave and partying well there – earn 5 points
Mixing drinks etc for us if we’re on decks – 5
Mixing drinks for us (officers) for fun – 5
Being an excellent drinker at all times – 10
Knowledge on booze – 10
Leadership by example, initiative – 10
Downing 8 tequila shots – 10
Knowing extra skills that are useful – 10
Reliable and efficient during a mission – 10
Good and hardworking at mixing drinks, housekeeping of bar & utensils, cleaning up, etc – 15
Generally respectful to your officers – 15
Getting arrested – 10 points per night inside
Brewing moonshine – 30
Organizing parties, vacations, road trips, etc – 35

Demerits:
Disobeying a direct order from a higher rank – minus 5 points
Not finishing a drink without valid cause / wastage – 10 points
Not having a drink after cheers-ing – 10
Sleeping off early during a sanctioned mission without valid cause – 10
Needed to be told what to do (regularly) – 10
Puking – 10
Disrespect to an officer – 15
Not helping out with manual labour, etc (ie lazy) – 15
Behaviour that taints the name of this fine unit – 20
Not hanging out with the unit regularly – 20
Lack of punctuality – 25
Disobeying a direct order from an officer – 25

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Obviously top marks for moonshiners like Mary Jane, who got promoted from Private to Private First-Class as soon as she started makin tuak.

Simple but effective.

“BPM: Coz fun is serious business.”

Tagline. Haha!

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DIY tuak!

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I have had an unending supply of great tuak, thanks to my friend Mary Jane – not her real name la. To protect her identity. She’s afraid her front door will be kicked in by a SWAT Team or hordes of tuak junkies.

She’s been with me at Sarawak many times for the world music fest. We normally get our supply from this hotel in Kuching that’s got da best shit (and d best laksa). Me n my crew would order like 70-80 bottles for d festival n drink kao-kao. Sometimes tapau some back to KL – still got some 07’s left.

Mmmm, golden rice juice. Sarawak laksa + tuak lunch

Mmmm, golden rice juice. Sarawak laksa + tuak lunch, Kuching. Perfection.

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So she liked it so much, she decided to learn makin it here in PJ . Her 50% Sarawakian genes finally kicked-in.

The first batch was ready last year. It turned out good. Some of the following batches were as good or better than d Kuching one! The colour is perfect – gold. Not too murky like d longhouse ones, which are forced down your throat when u go upriver in Sarawak. Man i got some tales about that!

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Some dude I met upriver. Nice hornbill feathers, hope d bird tasted good ol man

Some dude I met upriver. Nice hornbill feathers, hope d bird tasted good with tuak, ol man

Anyway, Mary Jane was kind enough to show me the tuak-brewing process. We”ll share it with yall – anybody can do it. Don’t ask me about d legality. Don’t know & don’t care. D way I see it, we’ve paid way too much booze taxes in this country already. According to The Star, Malaysians pay the second highest tax in d whole goddam planet for beer! Probably d same with other booze.

Like we earn a lot.

If u buy a can of beer for five bucks, about four bucks is tax. Stupid dam government, blowing our hard-earned money! Fuck em.

Anyway, ingredients are easily available. Maybe tedious but not difficult. I have yet to do it coz she’s just so nice to me – keeps me fed and supplied. Thanks Mary Jane! Ur da shit.

Anyway, if u start makin d product now, it will be ready in 3 months. No it’s not instant. Sorry.

Here’s d rundown on how to make tuak aka rice wine.

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Mary Jane has a tuak logbook. With dates & measurements

Mary Jane has a tuak logbook. With dates & measurements. Respect

MJ fixin me a shot to test d latest stuff

MJ fixin me a shot to test d latest merchandise

Wat u need: (measurements based on 1kg of rice, but u can go for 5kg for more product. Multiply other ingredients by five too)

1. Uncooked rice (glutinous rice – can get everywhere, like Tesco) – 1kg

2. Fine sugar – 1kg

3. Yeast – 1.5 pieces – get it from a Chinese medicine shop. Mary Jane gets it from Centerpoint, PJ. It’s “sweet yeast for Chinese wine”. Aka ‘chao peng’.

4. A pot

5. A hose pump or a cup

and that’s it

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Dates of each batch decorate the pot's cover

Dates of each batch decorate the pot's cover

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Moonshiners these days have d latest bottling technology

Process:

1. Cook d rice (if u don’t know how to dat, quit now)

2. Pound yeast into powder, add yeast to rice (cooled down), stir it up in a pot. Always cover the pot (not air-tight, but make sure no dirt or insects get in)

3. Wait 2 weeks (that’s tough)

A layer of liquid will appear above d mix.

4. Boil sugar in water (make syrup), add into pot once cool. Stir it up. Wait 6 weeks (hang in there)

5. Sieve d pot’s contents thru a strainer. Dump the strained stuff, pour d brew back into d pot. Wait a week

6. Pump out the clear liquid which will float above the murky part with a hose / pump. Or u could scoop out with a cup, but that might stir up the murky shit

7. Sieve again. Liquid should be clear – it’s called tuak! Start bottling d stuff

8. Time to drink!

 

Rice - more handy than i thought

Rice - more handy than i thought

It’s legit. Have had many of Mary Jane’s bottles and am still alive. Most important part of d process is hygiene. Sterilize everything with soap (not d ingredients).

Actually she did say sumtin about – u gotta b naked when u do it. Hmmm… dunno la, she hasn’t given me any live demo. Yet.

U can probably brew five bottles per kg of rice. BTW, it’s supposed to taste either sourish-sweet or sweetish-sour. If u have no idea, ask someone who has tasted tuak before to sample it. Like me.

Get busy! Believe me, it’s worth it! Good tuak is awesome stuff, and the high is a real upper.

As they say in Sarawak when u cheers, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Brain damage rating: 7.5/10

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Tuak on Foodista

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Dammit..

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Been drinkin n partyin like shit since Club Med, haven’t updated in a few days.

Four days of non-stop boozin in Club Med, then my buddy’s Rubin’s birthday at Social KL, Mike‘s house party Friday, a break yesterday and Sid’s this afternoon – coz it was a goddam beautiful Sunday.

Club Med was sumtin else. It would be great to go with a bunch of party people who don’t mind cocktails for breakfast. But at about 600 bucks a nite/person, not priced for Malaysians.

There’re activities to get involved in if u givashit bout alldat. Never a dull moment.

Was my first visit to Social in Changkat BB. Like d place, especially d tunes as i luv house. Booze is quite reasonable. 310 bucks for a bottle of Scotch, J&B Rare. We got plastered, and after-partied at Somerset, after d usual problems with security.

Well it ain’t a party till security shows up.

Sid’s was  d usual – a few pints of da black shit, with Rubin, Joyce, Henry & Homey. Just gave d dawg a bath, so got license to go pub.

Chiiiilllll....

Chiiiilllll....

I told those dicks to chill at d beach bar but noo, they had to go out, and found d perfect storm. No survivors

I told those dicks to chill at d beach bar but noo, they had to go out, and found d perfect storm. No survivors

Partyin @ Club Med with Joleen & Fisya

Partyin final nite @ Club Med with Joleen & Fisya

With Rubin & Olivia - Social KL

With Rubin & Olivia - Social KL

"U wanna piece of me furball?!!" Homey eyeballin a competitor @ Sid's

"U wanna piece of me u fuckin furball?!!" Homey eyeballin a competitor @ Sid's

Brain damage rating: 7/10

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