We can piss anytime, anywhere, and it’s awesome!

Fuck the long toilet queues at festivals or events or clubs. We’re in and outta there in a flash, to the point chicks start using the Gents. Girls just take too damn long. (Yea, even when paying for stuff)

Hell, we could piss into bottles if we wanted to. Am sure many guys have, coz we got a hose. Handy when you’re in a canoe / kayak and cant stand up due to instability (done dat).

Chicks, well, they have…   not a hose.

Once some asshole even pissed into a beer bottle n left it in the toilet, hoping someone will think its beer and go for it. I didnt buy it.

I have thought about inventing an adapter so chicks can piss standing up.

The human bladder typically holds up to 800ml, but we tend to ‘go’ when it hits 200ml. So i guess u can hold longer than u think.

Booze, damn u!

Guys who’ve never taken a piss outdoors in their adult life probably dont have a dick.

Anyway, when drinking you tend to piss a lot, especially right after you Break the Seal. Damn that crazy phenomenon. You need to practise mind-over-bladder.

And if you’re moving from one place / bar to another or are in the outdoors, you sometimes have no choice but to find the most convenient piss spot.

Anyway, i prefer the outdoors.

Guys have pissed everywhere (dont know about girls), but here’s my opinion of our top choices.

The most common is probably a -

1. Drain.

A crowd favourite

Upside: It’s clean, convenient, with zero splash-factor

Downside: You could fall in and drown in your own piss

Pissability rating: 4/5

2. Tree

A girl once asked me why guys always have to piss against something. Haha! Hmmm…

Two reasons:

1) We’re dogs

Ride em cowboy!

2) It ensures there’s little splash, or it would make your shoes unhappy.

Anyway, tree: Upside: Safe, minimal splash

A cock's eye-view

Downside: We need for the trees to survive

Pissability rating: 4.5/5

3. Lamp post

Upside: It’s there. It’s upright

Downside: Very bright. Also if there’s an electricity malfunction, your dick will burn off, while you breakdance n die

Gotta think twice with this one

Pissability rating: 2/5

4. Flat surface

Naa

Generally a dumb idea.

Upside: You can draw designs

Downside: Splash-fest. And in your ecstasy of releasing the pressure, you might not hear the car until it’s over you

Pissability rating: 1/5

5. Car wheel

Whether your car or others . A dog favourite too. Homey squirts on my car wheel all d time.

Probably mess-up the brakes

Upside: They everywhere! And each car has four targets to choose from

Downside: It takes the shine off. Also, high splash-factor if you dont get the angle right

Pissability rating: 3/5

6. Wall / fence

No-brainer

Upside: Walls are everywhere. Minimal splash. Feels like a real wall-urinal, but outdoors, and smell-free. And the outstretched arm against the wall provides much-needed stability

Downside: None

Pissability rating:  5/5. Perfect score!

Blissss.....

The weirdest piss i ever had while senget was onto the hood of a car that i thought was unoccupied. Turns out it was occupied. Sort of. You can read about that crazy, ripped, Night Train-fueled night here.

Sorry i dont do stairwells or elevators or indoor spots; that’s for morons.

Did i leave anyone out? There’re also fire hydrants, grass, sign posts, bushes, pots, mile stones, pillars, campfire (to douse fire; fireman mode), logs, lakes.

Next time you take a piss, try a new target eh?

Urban Dictionary has a reasonable definition.

Watever the cause, its fuckin irritating. Sometimes it makes me wanna piss into an empty bottle under d table. It aint so bad for guys tho. We could always take a walk outside n fire away. And guys can piss anywhere on the way to & from a pub or bar. Car parks, trees & drains are a fave.

In fact, i’ve thought of creating a disposable piss adaptor that chicks can wear over d groin, so they too can piss anywhere while standing up. How ladies? Interested? Its fun.

Well, cavemen/women had it easier.

And at least there r no queues at guys toilets. If i was a girl, i probably wd have pissed while in queues many times by now. I guess chicks got better holding power, since they can like give birth n shit. Respect.

Its worse with outlets that dont have d goddam decency to provide a toilet, like the glorified mamak, Laundry.

The human bladder is about 5in by 3in, and has a max capacity of about 800ml – one liter, or at least one bottle of wine, but we tend to have the urge from 200ml.

Beer - biggest dam culprit for pissing problems

Holding piss in is one of the biggest side-effects and problems associated with drinking. (Other than not remembering what happened of course.) We ALL know how good it feels when u finally let go. In fact, its almost orgasmic.

Why does this happen tho. Why does the first piss open d floodgates? Any scientific explanation?

Anyway, from my research, there are a few theories.

One says “If you have to pee that much sooner as you continue drinking, it may be that you are simply less able to control your bladder, the drunker you become. I’ve seen drunks pee their pants without them even knowing it.”

Wat u talk? Our bladders also get drunk??

U can checkout how some medic school geeks study the issue at this blog. Too techy for me.

The best answer? “Because alcohol inhibits the hormone that helps your body hold onto water (it’s called ADH, or anti-diuretic hormone). So your urine output increases rapidly, out of proportion to the amount you drink, and your bladder fills up quicker and quicker. This is how you get dehydrated despite the fact that you are taking in fluids. Short answer – you are making more urine (more than d liquids u consume). It has nothing to do with the mechanics of the bladder.”

Thanks Einstein. But u didnt give a solution, did u asshole? Pop some ADH pills?

Even when u drink LITERS of black shit, your piss comes out clear right away. Where does all that black go??

My only solution – have a good piss as soon as i arrive at d drinking spot. So it takes a lot longer before i gotta break da seal. Coz drinking less is outta d question.

In fact, drinking while pissing is niice. (Though it seems like ur wasting booze – it feels like its goin straight from throat to bladder to urinal.)

Also, u got a sterile, nice-tasting liquid to wash up with. Cool.