I was introduced to a new form of amazing ‘cultivated’ toddy, which is unheard of as toddy is pretty wild n naturally-produced. A friend of August Boozepimp Kennhyn brought some to this tasting lunch we had at Kissaten, which serves great rock ‘n roll Japanese cuisine at Jaya One, PJ.

Great stuff

Regular toddy is made from regular coconuts, and fermentation takes place on the tree by wild yeasts. But this limited edition batch we had is from the more fragrant pandan coconut, and fermentation is conducted in a controlled environment, away from the tree. A specially-cultivated yeast is then added to produce some ridiculously-awesome shit.

Bantaii

The aroma is fruity, and so is the taste. Almost like real coconut water. Its also fizzy, and extremely refreshing. I immediately asked for five bottles the next time.

Its light, and alcohol content is between 3-4%.

Sumtin nice to wash d toddy down with

Unfortunately its not being mass-produced. Yet. The dude who made it in his pandan coconut orchard in Bentong plans to get d necessary paperwork done so he can sell it in an organized  manner. Should do the same with my cider!

From the tasting session, the consensus was that this brew would be able to do well.

Missing it real bad

I say go for it man. Its time for some local brew to be bottled and sold in supermarkets n exported n shit.

Its at the back of an ol wooden bungalow, and the family has been supplying most of the toddy shacks in Banting for three generations.

Obviously there’s more to Banting than a crazy Datuk who likes to murder business associates and burn the body / bodies in his farm.

D joint. Unmarked

Mix n match

The toddy is pretty good, and served chill. Since its kinda light, we added more intoxicants into d drink, mainly Guinness FES.

And the food is good. We dug into wild boar, turkey, monitor lizard, mutton and chicken. O yea, quail too.

The spot is located in a shaded area, with chickens and turkeys loitering.

Biawak - bony

Bantaaai!

Niga reacting to his first taste of lizard

Deep-fried mini-birds

In session

Cosy enough, compared to some of the shitholes i been to

Hours

The bar

Locating it is real easy if ur comin from the Kesas Highway. Its at Telok Datok on Route 5, just before Banting town. Gotta turn into a lil driveway that’s easy to miss (on your right if Klang is behind you. Gotta u-turn further up under a bridge and come back around). It looks deceivingly like any other family home. Located here (refer to the hybrid map).

Great way to spend a Sunday.

To cart away bodies

.

Brain damage: 7.5/10

Toddy aka palm beer is a common drink in most tropical countries around the world. From Mexico to the Pacific Islands. Also known as mimbo (Cameroon), bahar / tuba (Sabah & Philippines), todi (W. Malaysia) and emu among Nigerian tribes. Not to be confused with samsu – cheap shit dat makes u blind.

All that hard work, and u pay peanuts

It’s a sweet, slightly fizzy drink, 100% natural. Very light, possibly lighter than beer in terms of alcohol content, so drinking several mugs is not an issue. Best part is, it’s so cheap, its ridiculous. Also a source of B-complex vitamins. It’s said to flush your system clean, watever dat means.

You can distill toddy and produce more explosive liquor like arrack.

If u ever tried air nira, it’s d same shit. Cept nira is harvested and drunk before fermentation can begin.

What a waste. Throw some yeast into your next nira pack.

It aint fermented coconut water, it’s palm sap. Most palms – whether date palms, betel palms, oil palms or coconut palms – are usable. In Malaysia, we use coconut palms. The flower stem of the palm tree is cut – sap flows out into a jar, where it ferments naturally after awhile due to some yeast dudes still hangin in the used jar. Thus, it’s best had earlier in the day, or else it turns to vinegar (eventually after several days or weeks), tho sometimes tappers also cut again in the evening for a fresh batch.

Anyway, enough crap. You can get this local shine in Brickfields, KL, where there’s an old, low-profile toddy shack.

I just luv Brickfields. Da hood’s got character. A lot of shit goin on there. And the cool world music band Akasha is from there, the Temple of Fine Arts, 30 seconds away from d toddy shack.

Believe it or not, this joint is run by the Malaysian government! Haha! The only useful facility they ever run. Some colonial hangover – the Brits used to run them to keep the labour happy. There are two other government bars – Imbi (by Times Square) and Sentul.

Max sticks his head into a bucket of toddy

But there many others (non-government) in Banting, Morib and Kapar. And served at some seafood restaurants in Teluk Gong and Northport, Klang. Tried ‘em all.

Hit the Brickfields branch with Mad Max one Saturday morning. There were already quite a few alcos there.

Set-up is basic. Zinc roof, long tables, long wooden benches, toddy bartender secured behind reinforced iron grille. Not a spot to impress your date, lemme tell u that straight-up.

Go to bartender, ask for a bottle and pay 3 bucks. Dats right – 3 bucks. For a 1.5 litre bottle. Cheaper than coconut water. Must be government-controlled pricing. Haha. Or subsidy.

Thing is, they dont really supply cups. Some large man known in these parts as Giant comes up to me. He says
“How u gonna drink?”

- “From the bottle.”

“Go outside, ask defella there to lend u cups. 10 cents each.”

- “Ha? OK!”

There’s dis micro-stall next door that sells bites and has large pint plastic cups for rent. Cibai ol man cons me n charges 20 cents a cup, and adds “U bring back ah!” Like am gonna steal dat piece of shit. OK must bring own cups next time.

As good as it gets

We pour half a cup each, and proceed to enjoy d first sip. Yeaaa, refreshing. It’s sweet and slight bubbly, with a tangy and distinct aroma. The finish is sweet-sour.

Breakfast of champs. They seem to serve pretty fresh stuff here.

Tryin to look cool drinkin moonshine

Giant decides to join us, sayin he’s been drinkin dis shit for 30 years. He’s a cab driver, and had just finished the graveyard shift. We talk cock, read the papers, and i head back to d stall outside to get sum meat – ol man has shit like wild boar curry, lamb belly, steamed beans n sum chicken liver i think. I go for the boar. He’s got a huge phonebook next to him. Tears off a page, puts a plastic sheet on it, and serves d meat on dat.

We continue to work on our bottle, then Giant buys us another. At 3 bucks, it’s cool to buy each other bottles!

We get a slight buzz, then tapau a bottle to take home. Stick it in d fridge coz its great chilled. It can keep 24 hours at least when kept cold.

Natural refreshment

Didnt shoot many pictures. This aint a place to be takin pictures like sum stupid blogger. Might get sumtin thrown at your face. Like a parang.

And i gone n deleted almost all of d pix from that session. Wat a bodoh fumble.

Some like to mix toddy with Guinness Foreign Extra Stout. Some with fuckin chilies and onions. Watever turns u on i guess.

Got a palm tree at home? Time for DIY toddy.

This toddy shack is unmarked, so keep your eyes skinned (map). Turn off left from Jln Tun Sambanthan into Sultan Abdul Samad, then right into Berhala. It’s behind Palm Court. ‘Palm’ – how appropriate. Haha.

If the scenario there sounds dingy, u can always tapau. A lot of that goes on.

Spot the bar

Plan to hit the real deal plantation bars for real fresh toddy in Banting soon. Should be a trip!

Brain damage rating: 7/10