To make it up, here’s sumtin for a laugh. A collection of images of drunks, and how they fuck-up / pass-out. These freaks give alcohol a bad name.

Sum crazy shit. Thankfully in this country, we generally aint like these folks. Fuckin embarrassing. Most of them dont know how to lie down straight, or how to use a bench. The girls are no different.

I dont know why these idiots always slump wrong-side-up, with their heads down, etc. Some of them could unconsciously choke on their own puke n die. They shd be laid on their side.

And some of d pranks their so-called friends pull on them are ridiculous.

Have a good laugh with the photos of d losers of booze.

#1 Limbo rock gone wrong

#2

#3

#4 Fuckin yoga n shit

# 5

#6

#7

#8 Benches aren't for your legs dumbass

#9 Definitely the most comfy spot so far

#10 Some fucker decorated the side of my ride like this before, thankfully just d outside. And another guy passed out with my dog outside

#11

#12 Push-ups or wat

#13 Alien cocoon

#14 Gosh. Get a neck dude

#15 In broad daylight

#16

#17 Gross shit

#18 What's up!

#19 Too thirsty

#20

#21

#22

#23 If i were him, i'd puke on them

#24 Dis German dude had to be rescued from a manhole. He cant remember how he got his ass stuck there. Looks comfy. All that's missing is a glass in his hand

#25

#26 Hangin out

#27

#28 Street yoga. I think in Yoga-rap they call this d Child Pose. Drunk child

#29 A guy spooning a horse?? Lucky for him it aint d other way around!

#30 No comment

DIA (not to be confused with but possibly related to d hospital term DOA – dead on arrival), happens with very quick, or excessive consumption of alcohol. Or both.

Liquor mostly. I doubt it works with beer, unless u do helluva lot.

Goes down too easy

U forget stuff dat happened. Like ordering more drinks, then only realizing d next day -  coz yor pockets are outta cash.

Or d last bar u were at. Or driving home. Or even sex! (Similar to cock amnesia.)

I once crossed busy Jln Ampang to get to another party n dont remember that, and d next two hours. Haha

Daaamn.

Unfortunately some people cant behave appropriately when under DIA, and wont even remember it.

Dont remember

Its actually pretty amazing. At the time when ur under DIA, ur generally a perfectly-functioning human, able to do whatever your brain normally does, from the mundane and basic to the complicated, like pissing, havin conversations, calculating cash, driving, eating. But d next day, it’s like it never happened! Was your brain off?

Its like sleep-walking. Kinda weird. I used to sleep-walk too.

I guess over-drinking affects d brain cells dat control short-term memory. It sucks coz many times, u REALLY had a great time, but its been fuckin erased from your memory forever. I think besides a hangover, this is what i hate most about booze.

U gotta rely on eye-witness reports to fill u in. That dont always work either, coz if u dont remember what u dont remember, u wouldnt even ask. So sometimes u’ll NEVER know dat u had DIA.

D other way to jog your memory a lil are photos of d scenes.

Don't remember

Some research done indicates that “These periods of amnesia are primarily “anterograde,” meaning that alcohol impairs the ability to form new memories while the person is intoxicated, but does not typically erase memories formed before intoxication.”

Praise the lord! So its just ‘temporary brain damage’. Cool.

However the prick also concluded that “occurrence of blackouts is a powerful indicator of alcoholism.” Yea right.

There’s also DIA-within-DIA. Besides not remembering d next day, u dont remember during the piss-up what u said like three fuckin minutes ago. Like “where do u live?!”. Askin d same goddam question five times in a night. Dats cause its been documented that your memory in such situations lasts two minutes.

Wow. Fish brain.

Don't remember

This part of the report about ‘state-dependent memory’ is cool – “It is not uncommon to hear stories of drinkers who stash alcohol or money while intoxicated, and locate the hiding places only after becoming intoxicated again.” Haha!

Basically DIA stems from an inability to transfer information from short-term to long-term storage. Your neurons are in a twist. D report notes “a key predictor of blackouts is the rate at which subjects consumed their drinks.” So it happens more to fast drinkers.

I say watch those shots. More than one a minute and ur askin for DIA. One every 90 seconds should be fine.

Maa man!

Thanks to Antares for his assistance & hospitality, and some doses of insight. He lives in a Temuan village on the road to Fraser’s Hill.

Car floor, Day 1

Took my time gettin to d destination.

No shit

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Giant statue, Buddhist Monastery

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Happy dog, monastery

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My trusted partner

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Water from earth. Tastes different

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Do it! Jump! At ancient Bailey Bridge high over Chilling River

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Trekked down to have food under d bridge. Wild boar curry. Mm mmm mmhh!

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Finally arrived at d village and got attacked by 8 psycho pups. Got teeth marks all over me

D cutie from my last visit still around, BrownSugar

Next morning ditched the wheels in KKB town before sunrise to walk back to the village.

Da road, with the silhouette of the monstrous dam wall in the background

Had three dogs for company for awhile. Friendly dudes. Shared some food

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A long walk

View-istic

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Chillin at a fucking high bridge. Great spot for bungee

View from fucking high bridge. The river is superb for rafting. Class 3 & 4 rapids

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Scene of a forest fire just a few weeks back. The forest regenerates real quick

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Had a drink outta every stream i met

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Butterfly gang

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Got back to my hut to another charge by d welcoming committee

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Enjoying a breakfast-in-hammock

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Breakfast view

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Hut

Hut's fire-escape hatch, complete with fireman's pole

My pad. D lampshade's an ol straw hat. Haha

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Found many great quiet spots upriver of the village to chill at. Skinny-dipped too

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D closest 'fridge' for miles

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"Get me outta here!" Not smiling anymore eh? Gave d pups a bath coz they had fleas

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Givin pathetic look

Who's next??

Dis dude suffered bath trauma. Scared n tried to hide from me for awhile cos i gave him a bath!

Lil fuckers soon recovered n took their revenge on my flops

Unfortunately for me, d pups are available for adoption, so they’ll probably be gone on my next visit.

Was great knowing them.

For five days, i never knew the time. Haha. Liberating.

Was supposed to hang only three days. Had to peel myself outta there.

Some viewers say he’s on ketamine or some other drug. Those who say that have never been totally drunk before.

This situation is known among drunks as rubber legs or being legless. Sotong laa.

The worst cases for me is when i take one step forward, but two steps back. Or do the crab – try to walk forward but zig-zag instead. Ketam. (Will do a glossary of boozing terms soon.)

Its useless trying to be useful in dat stage. Your eyes can hardly see coz they half-closed, your mouth and tongue seem paralyzed & spew out some martian language, your legs forget how to go forward, your balance doesnt exist, and you can even forget where u are.

In fact u might walk like a gangster – your legs are already ahead of u, but your body is catching up. So u look like ur leaning back n walking. Haha

So whats this guy tryin to prove? Haha! The guys who sent him on the beer run must be as fucked or worse.

Definitely an A for effort.

The funniest parts for me is when he’s tryin to open d cooler door, and when he ‘leaves’.

Brain damage: 10/10. PERFECT!

An alcoholic is a fuckin alcoholic. Needs to drink to function and live life. Basically, a junkie. (So i’m definitely not one, i dont think.)

At least she didnt drive home

An alco is sumtin else – an affectionate term to describe a guy/girl who likes drinks, ‘appreciates’ them. Alco dont mean alcoholic.  I’ve been called an alco many times, out of pure love. Sallgood.

However, the online self-tests for alcoholism have some questions that i answered “Yes” to. Like: “Can you handle more liquor now than when you first started drinking?” I mean, come on. Stupid question.

Also: “On the “morning after,” have you been unable to remember part of the evening before – even though friends say you didn’t pass out?” Haha! This one have to admit happened just last week. In fact it’s been happening often.

At least i got “No”s for these: “Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?”(well ok, only in Langkawi. I also hear that ‘”staying drunk” is also a good way to avoid a hangover); and “Do you sometimes have the morning “shakes” and relieve them with a drink?” I dont get the shakes, tho i have drank in the morning. Last time was Saturday. So am all good.

The test says: “If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you have some symptoms that may indicate alcoholism.”

U fuckin kiddin me man? I think most of us have some alcoholic in us then. [I hope i dont piss off d Australian Alcoholics Anonymous again (was for an article i wrote in The Star). Haha!]

Among other ‘alco’ terms i use, there’s also alconnoisseur. Someone who knows his/her drinks. Alcopop – someone who cant hold their drinks and totally loses it when drunk, like Volume. And finally a nickname we gave a big guy who drank a lot – alcosaurus.

A few years back me n my bro wanted to go to Penang to party. So we went via the East Coast – Terengganu, Kelantan. Cos we’re adventurous. Haha

Anyways, ended up in hotel room in Kota Baru that belonged to my bro’s friend from Sabah, TK, who was there for some doctor convention.

(His exact words, which he later regretted, were – “U guys passing thru KB? Why don’t u come and use the ‘facilities’ here?”).  Some five-star hotel la. Suited us boys just fiiine.

So we partied that night in d room, lotsa booze n all. It was me, Volume, The Ship, Ron (short for Moron) and TK.

Music’s rockin, booze is flowin, Volume gets plastered, then sinks his teeth into my arm (bicep) while I was chillin on d chair, drawing blood. Fuckin dracula move. Watdefucked, I push him off. Somehow he gets behind me and this time REALLY sinks his teeth into my back, that it tears my shirt n draws a lot more more blood. (All this without any provocation or issue.)

The boys in d room were slow at reacting, no doubt still tryin to process the weird scene. I managed to get Vol’s fangs outta me, turn around, n throw him on d bed. He seems delirious. I jump on him n lock his arms behind his back, and yell at d other dummies to help hold him down, which they do.

Eventually he seems to calm down. Of course I’m pissed at getting these free love bites, so later I fuck him up n provoke him until we have a skirmish in d hotel corridor!

Right then my bro returns from wherever he was that nite, and asks “watdefuck is goin on?!” Volume tries to take a swing at my bro. This time I’m really pissed, so I fist the puta in d face, and wrestle to try n get him down on d ground. I manage to do that. Of course I proceed to kick da shit outta him, while yelling shit about his mama and his dead father.

No mercy. Tony Montana mode.

Like I said, I was pissed.

The boys didn’t try to stop me.

Although it was quite a riot, the other hotel guests wisely stayed in their rooms. A couple of guests wanted to leave their room but u-turned. No one called security. Good.

I left him lying in d corridor. (I haven’t seen Volume since.)

Now I’m back in da room. I got major teeth holes in my back. So I pour vodka over them.

The boys say I have to get to a doctor to get a jab, an ATT i think (for tetanus, as a human bite is more dangerous than most animal’s). Tho they’re all doctors, obviously they don’t go partyin with ATT on them. Some other stuff maybe, but not ATT.

It’s 3am, i need a medic, we’re all high, I’ve got blood on me, and we’re in goddam Kelantan. Great.

So we hit the streets on foot, wanderin around looking for a clinic that’s open 24 hours. We find one, go in there, and the nurse wakes d doctor up, and shows us into the room.

Doc rubs his eyes and eventually asks “apa jadi?”

I answer “kena gigit.”

“Kena gigit apa? Anjing?”

I answer “manusia.”

“Hah?? Apa???”

Dude was taken aback, obviously a first for him.

We decided to come up with a more ‘believable’ story. So – we went karaokeing, then while walking back to hotel, some hobo jumps out of an alley and asks for money. We told him to fuck off, then he attacked me, and bit me. Maybe he had rabies. Or sum junkie. (Yea sounds far out, but which story’s more ridiculous?)

The poor doctor and nurse were shocked, obviously unhappy that out-of-towners were attacked in peaceful little KB. They then said that these things don’t happen over here n all. KB is actually a nice place, nice people, safe town, etc, etc.

No shit. Just gimme d jab man. I’ve had a long nite.

He patches me up n we head back to d room. We have a coupla more drinks n crash.

TK, the shell-shocked doctor from Ranau (Sabah) who told us to “come over and use the facilities” at the hotel, was up very early d next morning, stepping over our bodies and makin calls to the airport. “NO, I said I want the first flight you have!” He was outta there man, back in KK before we were up. O yea, Volume had also puked all over TK’s bed during d kecoh, among other damage (to d room and to TK’s good rep.)

I was reasonably satisfied as I had got Volume good, coz d next morning my hand hurt from slammin mafucker’s face and my foot hurt from kickin him in the stomach n ribs.

Moral of d story? Some punks can’t drink. Period.

His upper teeth and lower teeth marks are still visible on my skin. If he ever dies in a plane crash or is crisped in a fire, I will gladly provide his dental records, as I carry them around IN my back.

Brain damage rating: 7/10

For Volume: 10/10