Doggone! If dogs could talk, they’d be having an intense sociological discourse on the introduction of a new service, catering to the male of the species: recreational mating.

Bob Lee, or better known in the pet peddling industry as Uncle Bulldawg, is providing female dogs for fun ‘breeding’. Owners of un-neutered male dogs can bring them over and leave them at the centre, Dog E Style, for a mating session with one of the many ‘ladies’ available.

Homey flat after a fulfilling session at Dawg E

“I had customers asking me if I knew anyone who could help their male dogs get some action. Eventually I decided to start this service full-time.” Bulldawg, 45, ran a pet shop and exotic pets import dealings for many years before deciding to go into the recreational mating business.

He has since closed his pet shop when Dog E Style opened a month ago. However, as he has yet to receive his business license, the operation is low key and by word-of-mouth for now. He also refused photographs.

The top ‘hostess’ at the moment is Hottie, a two-year-old Dalmatian. “She’s great. And sexy. Many people request for her. But we don’t overwork Hottie. In fact we have a vet coming in weekly to check on our stable,” he says.

The females that are in heat are regularly shagged at his outlet in PJ’s Kota Damansara neighbourhood, while the rest are kept at his ‘farm’. “It’s in Sepang,” he says, a little evasive about the exact location.

Prices for the service vary depending on the breed of the animal. Hottie’s rates are currently RM60 an hour, while the more ‘street’ variety’s fees are RM25 an hour.

“All our dogs are disease-free and sociable. They’ve been trained to entertain the males.” Others seen there were Cocker Spaniels, Retrievers and a Poodle.

However, if your pet does not get it on with Dog E Style’s bitch, you don’t have to pay. “You only pay for a confirmed score. But most times, there’s no problem. The females don’t get pregnant as we feed them a pill that prevents fertilization,” explains Bulldawg.

Several dog owners had positive reactions. A 30-year-old client who declined to be identified says he will send his mutt there monthly. “I lost two male dogs over the years when they ran out. The reason they escape is to mate, but something happened to them and they never returned – maybe they were run over or kidnapped. Now my dog is happy and doesn’t attempt to escape.”

“It’s great,” says Ryan Fernandez, a 32-year-old short-films producer. “My dog used to get really frustrated if he hadn’t mated for a while. I don’t want to neuter him, as genital mutilation is cruel and unethical. I don’t want him doing it with strays, as they’re diseased and also they would be creating unwanted puppies. With Dog E Style, my problem is finally overcome.”

“I would use the service,” reveals Jo Lim, a 25-year-old food & beverage executive. “I had a male dog called Furry who died a virgin, and I still feel guilty about it! He was nine.” She says as a caring pet owner, she would utilize the service once every two months. A pet shop owners admits that there have been requests by owners of male dogs for such services.

Currently, Uncle B has regular clientele thanks to security firms that send mostly Alsatians and Rottweilers there. He explains: “Male guard dogs are better when they’re not neutered. But they can get frustrated and a little aggressive if they’re sexually-deprived.”

Some might feel what the cool Bulldawg is doing is not right. “Why not? It’s a service that’s badly needed!” he exclaims. “It could reduce the number of strays that get pregnant. In fact, there are people who pair pedigree dogs to get the female pregnant. They then sell off their dog’s babies just to make money. Isn’t that worse?!”

However, animal-protection society Animal Welfare opposes Dog E Style. “It’s ridiculous. How can society allow this?” asks spokesperson Ann Raj.

Well, the thing is, there’s no law against this. It’s legit.

“Female dogs aren’t receptive to mating all the time. Is he drugging them to make them submissive??” She plans to send a representative to check on the animals.

In response, big pimp Bulldawg claims he’s willing to work with animal shelters like Animal Welfare and SPCA. “They have too many dogs there. If they want, I could borrow some females for my services. For every ‘customer’ they entertain, I’m willing to give SPCA a cut – RM5.”

That sure seems like a good deal.

Mac daddy concedes that there might be initial resistance to this radical idea. “At the end of the day, at least the idle dogs are utilized instead of being put to sleep, and get to socialize with other dogs at my farm instead of being kept in the pound’s cages. And the shelter is guaranteed some monthly income.” He’s willing to take care of all related bills of the borrowed canines.

The Malaysian Dog Owners Association reserved its comments until it knows more about the service. “We will also pass this information to our members and gauge their reaction,” says a spokesperson.

He then adds “This is quite astonishing.”

The premise has an owner’s waiting area with a TV and free drinks, as well as a games room with a Playstation. If you’d like to check on your dog to ensure he scores, a monitor is available in the office. The action rooms are simple, small rooms with little lighting.

When ‘off-duty’, most Dog E Style dogs are allowed to roam the premises. There are also massage and grooming services (for the dogs that is).

Bulldawg is cool about some heat that he gets. “I’m a dog lover myself. My conscience is clear because I know the dogs are happy, and I take great care of them.”

Dog E Style is considering house calls. “Once we’re less busy we might send females for ‘overnighters’ as well.”

Great job, Uncle B!

Note: Until May 1st, Dog E Style has a promotion: A 15-minute massage will be thrown in for each customer (canine). Further info e-mail: bulldawgstyle@yahoo.com

Dont sound good. Tick fever i hear.

He’s hasnt eaten for days and is on drips now. Doc says if it gets worse, might have to do a blood transfusion.

I had to stop myself from laughing when i heard dat. Fuckin transfusion man! Didnt know they have such shit for dogs.

So dogs actually go donate blood n shit??

Homeboy’s gotta fuckin lampshade around his neck, so he dont yank out the IV line from his paw.

Not happy!

Anyway, he’s been stuck inside for d third day now. Hopefully he’s out soon.

All i know is its gonna cost a bomb!

Happier days

Homey normally kicks his ass, but this time, he was probably over-confident. The other bigger dog stuck his fangs into Homey’s neck and just didnt let go. They were trashing around on the road for several minutes.

The neighbours beat their own dog and threw buckets of water on it, and even broke broom sticks on it, but it refused to let go.

It was a long and savage fight. I finally used the bucket and somehow shoved the dog’s face into it.

Messed up

D next day i had to take Homey for surgery to be stitched up in three places where there were large holes. One on his neck and 2 below his ear. Broke a few nails. There was also a hole in his leg that went right thru to d other side. Same thing with the injury on his cheek.

He’s lookin like Dracula got to him.

Ear also senget aredi. Haha

Not dead yet. Doped-up in my ride after surgery

He’s been very quiet, glum and stoned. He finally wagged his tail a little today after two days. Hope he makes a full recovery. The last major fight was slightly more than a year ago. This fight also cost me more than 300 bucks.

Homey got whooped, but i doubt he’s gonna stop brawling.

Punk

My buddy Homey celebrates his birthday today. Dude gets a party every year. Maybe not dis year tho. Malas.

Time for a self-party Homes

He’s already been receiving presents.

Will get him his default gift, KFC.

Son of bitch

Homey da dawg is fucked. Dude escaped from d house on Saturday morning and came back lookin like he got raped. Blood all over him n d floor n shit.

Problem is i’m used to seeing him hurt from fights. He’s a punk. Charges into and attacks gangs of dogs. And i gotta be his back-up sometimes dammit. Get in there and start kickin ass.

But he tends to fix himself up.

Yesterday i noticed a very deep hole in his thigh, and a couple more near his ass. From dog fangs. His leg has swelled to a huge size pretty quick. Took him to d vet but was closed.

U wont be smiling if u lose a leg boy!

So today left him at the vet, coz doc needs to knock him out with ketamine first then fix him up. Hope he dont lose the leg.

Will he learn? Nope. I bet he’ll keep picking fights.

OK la, if u lose a leg i'll throw a party to cheer u up

Update: Doc called me yesterday n said “I pumped some medicine through the hole near his butt and it came out through the hole in the leg. The infection has caused the holes to go so deep that it’s now a passage. Also there’s been some severe muscle damage in the leg.” I was like, ok he’s gonna tell me he has to take d leg off. Or put him down. Fuck.

Fortunately for d fucker, he keeps his leg n life. Doc knocked him out n treated the wounds. Homes is on five types of pills, twice a day, for 10 fuckin days.

I couldnt help laughing when i went to collect him. Dude was still anesthesized, so he was drugged up. He tried to walk and his legs gave way. Haha! Terkangkang all.

Then at home he was walking like a drunk! Totally legless. Zig-zagging, falling down. Stoned. But still wanted to get out of d gate.

Like i said, the mafucker didnt learn his lesson. Last night after the treatment he again somehow escaped from the house. If he was lookin for a fight, he would have been too stoned to defend and torn to shreds. Lucky for him he came home in one piece. Gonna keep him in lockdown for a week till he recovers.

Four days of non-stop boozin in Club Med, then my buddy’s Rubin’s birthday at Social KL, Mike‘s house party Friday, a break yesterday and Sid’s this afternoon – coz it was a goddam beautiful Sunday.

Club Med was sumtin else. It would be great to go with a bunch of party people who don’t mind cocktails for breakfast. But at about 600 bucks a nite/person, not priced for Malaysians.

There’re activities to get involved in if u givashit bout alldat. Never a dull moment.

Was my first visit to Social in Changkat BB. Like d place, especially d tunes as i luv house. Booze is quite reasonable. 310 bucks for a bottle of Scotch, J&B Rare. We got plastered, and after-partied at Somerset, after d usual problems with security.

Well it ain’t a party till security shows up.

Sid’s was  d usual – a few pints of da black shit, with Rubin, Joyce, Henry & Homey. Just gave d dawg a bath, so got license to go pub.

Chiiiilllll....

I told those dicks to chill at d beach bar but noo, they had to go out, and found d perfect storm. No survivors

Partyin final nite @ Club Med with Joleen & Fisya

With Rubin & Olivia - Social KL

"U wanna piece of me u fuckin furball?!!" Homey eyeballin a competitor @ Sid's

Brain damage rating: 7/10

And it’s my fave spot in da world.

The frontyard of d pad

Had a bbq n drinks weekend at the house by d river, Maycliff. Awesome spot. Highlights were Blavod & the amazing Beer Lao, which unfortunately is not available in Malaysia.

Sis brought d twins, Mo & Trish.

And we brought da dawg.

Homey rides shotgun

He doesn’t accept d backseat.

Aw, is d river cold? Trish n Mo

I think i’ll let d pictures do da talkin.

Some of d weekend's weapons

Homey goin for it

Souvenirs we brought back from Laos. Yea d beer too. It's awesome

Mo attempts a snatch. Sorry kid, wait a coupla years

There were some other dawgs there

There's sumtin bout dis kid n alcohol. Hmm. Maybe he can takeover this blog soon

See?

Blavod, d black vodka

Khabir n my bro Anil chillin

What u'll get when u mix Blavod & orange - Greenshit

For some reason the embers seem purple

While we were in d river with d kids, some dudes across d river shouted at us. “KELUAR!!! KELUAR!!! CEPAT!!!! KELUAARRR!!” I didn’t stand around to ask “Hah? Kenapa ni?? Rilek laa…”

I knew what it was. A flash flood. We grabbed d kids n got out.

It’s amazing how sumtin so fun has d possibility of turning tragic in a blink.

It rained earlier. And it stopped. Everything was fine. Then the water level rose several feet, turned brown and d flow was crazily swift, with all sort of debris in it. And it roared real loud. All within 30 seconds. The kids were playin in d water at that time. The campers’ warning saved their butts, cos they would have been swept in a blink.

This river has taken many lives, in a variety of ways.

Been there many times, but it’s d first time i’ve seen this.

Mess

Tea anyone? This is d same spot as d following picture. Bastards must be logging upriver

This is what it looked like a minute earlier

The river is just a short walk down d stairs from d garden of d house. Great spot.

Especially with a great bbq, friends and booze. Eddy, Henry & Khang showed up at 2am, cos they had a gig in KL. Semangat!

A super weekend in KKB.

Brain damage rating: 7/10

Sure he's cute, but he's a killaa

If you’re gonna put on weight you dawg, better the booze do it rather than food man. At least booze gets u high.

I recall him downing cocktails, beer and get this – my old man’s 15-year-old Grants Scotch Whisky – on da rocks. Now he turns his head away from the stuff. Wastage or wat?

Maybe he’s become religious. Or maybe he’s found something better, like fermenting his own piss in the lawn somewhere.

Is there sumtin brewin in there?

Mmmmm. Fer – men – ted – piss….

Gimme some of dat boy!

Either way, the socially anti-social dawg still gets a major house party every year. That’s eight bashes so far; KFC, gifts n all. And I felt pissed once when more people turned up for his goddam birthday party than mine. Apa ni?! Ridiculous. Need to reduce his popularity.

In case u think he’s such a “cutieeee!” n all dat crap, the lil’ fucker has murdered several innocent birds and squirrels, while stone-cold sober. (I think u just lost 20% of your fan base Homes.).

He hopes to kill a cat soon. (Just gained back another 40% fans.)

Got my eye on u cats

Anyway, Homey’s latest birthday party (titled Homey Play Dat, Again) went well. This time he didn’t hump any chicks. But neither did I. Crowd count was about 20.

Warmin up

Normally more chicks than guys of course, coz Homey’s like dat. *Player!* Not this time tho. Too bad.

.

Homey the lazy dawg's usual pose at our house partyz

"Screw dis party! I'd rather be out there doggy-stylin"

Alcohol highlight for the night was Smirnoff Watermelon. Not a huge fan of flavoured vodkas cos u can’t be as creative when cocktailing, but this tembikai shit is an awesome drink! Just add 7-Up. And loads of ice to kill some of the sweetness. The other great flavoured Smirnoff is Green Apple. That was popular at our last house party a few weeks back (Housemate Henry’s birthday bash.). Also requires lotsa ice.

My mama always says fruits r good for u

.

[Speaking of ice, dont it suck when parties run out of ice?? Jeez, just buy 10 dam bags next time. Ice is CHEAP. As I always say, “You can never have too much ice!' And of course a large ice box is a standard requirement for drinkers.]

There was also tuak which we bought from Sarawak over the last couple of years, Vintage 2007 and 2008. Great stuff. Chicks luved it. [BTW will post soon about a friend of mine who brews da shit at her home. And supplies me. Nice.]

Tropical fruits really mix well with liquor. Would love to brew a rambutan wine. Next project.

BTW except for his housemates, Homes only adds chicks on Facebook, so piss off guys.

Homes pretending to have a hangover d next day

Brain damage rating: 7/10